Laura Dern Cast for her “Special Abilities” in Episode 8
Preliminary casting for Star Wars Episode VIII was announced earlier this week, and one surprising name on the list was none other than Laura Dern of Jurassic Park fame. Wondering why this beauty is going to take to the screen in a Star Wars film? Read on after the break to find out!
It turns out that one of Star Wars’ most beloved monsters will be making a colossal reappearance in this film. Due to the death of Malakili in Return of the Jedi‘s Sarlaac battle, Rian Johnson (or is that Johnston?) had to recast a part for a Rancor keeper.
Johnson said;
“We needed someone who had experience working with giant fictional monsters. Check. We needed someone with a flashy personality and thighs for days. Check. We needed someone who would cheerfully shove their arms into a steaming pile of rancor sh*t without any questions asked. Check.”
Fans will recall the famous scene in Jurassic Park when Dern goes elbow deep in a pile of dino dookie. Well, we’ll be treated to a similar scene in Episode VIII, but on a galactic scale. Props fabricator Jae-Sun Wad, from Korea, explained in “Engrish;”
“Oh you never seen big poopie like this. Poopie everywhere. Giant biggest poopie yes!”
It turns out that the remnants of the First Order discover that there is a trace chemical found in Rancor crap that can be used to power thermal oscillators and reactors more efficiently than any other known substance in the galaxy. Kylo Ren goes on a quest with his newly renamed “Knights of Dung” to find the freshest, most abundant sources of Rancor stool. Laura Dern’s character is brought in by the Knights to harvest the deepest, hottest, most concentrated portions of the inside of the Rancor turds.
General Hux uses the sourced stool to construct a new deadly space station, known as the Dookie Star.
To get the inside poop about new Lego merchandising for the Dookie Star, look for a leak later this week, only at FakingStarWars! How do you feel about this development? Let us know in the comments or in our new message board!
Duper out.
