Old Lando Doesn’t Recognize Young Lando from Atlanta
ATLANTA, GA — Yesterday’s news regarding the casting of young Lando Calrissian may be sitting well with Donald Glover fans, but there’s one person who doesn’t care for it: old Lando. That’s right — Billy Dee Williams, the debonair actor who made Lando a household name in Empire Strikes Back. FSW managed to get an exclusive interview with Williams via AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). Here’s what the former Colt 45 spokesperson had to say:
“He’s not my Lando, that’s for sure. But I’m willing to give the kid a chance. What really upsets me though is that Disney didn’t even ask for my opinion. Instead, they straight up pandered to the Internet geeks again who were screaming for this comedian dork to be young Lando, and here we are. Meanwhile those same geeks screamed for me to appear in The Force Awakens… yet my phone hasn’t rung once. The whole thing reeks of ageism.”
Williams also let slip that Harrison Ford is also fuming over the casting of Alden Ehrenreich as young Han, but is abiding by Disney’s gag order.
“You can’t shut me up like Lobot. That’s just not going to happen. They can keep their Rebels episodes and the promises of making a cameo in Episode VIII… no, now IX. At this rate, Disney will wait until I die to recast Lando as Idris Elba in the Star Wars sequel trilogy. They really are the Empire now.”
As the home of fair and balanced reporting on fake Star Wars news, FSW reached out to Glover for a reply. The award-winning writer, Grammy-nominated performer and creator of FX’s Atlana series had this to say via Microsoft Holodeck chat:
“Much respect to Billy Dee but he’s legit senile if he can’t see past my Childish Gambino persona. I got swag for days, my ‘stache game is tight, plus I’m an expert on race relations and Internet social justice. Yet somehow I can’t wear a cape and smile. Bitch please.”
Ouch. Shots fired back. The Lando vs. Lando comments have triggered a twitter war amongst old school Star Wars fans and millennials with the former adopting the hashtag #NotMyLando and the latter posting meme after meme of Glover as Lando.
There is one glimmer of hope for a peaceful accord among Lando factions though. Both Williams and Glover agree there really is no need for a young Han Solo movie regardless who plays Lando. Stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for updateds on this and all other made up stories from a galaxy far, far away.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
Bonus sexy pic of Billy Dee because we love you.
