Ja Rule to Host Parking Lot Celebration 2018!
Omaha, Nebraska — Rapper and galaxy’s worst event planner Ja Rule is capitalizing on his newfound meme status by becoming the face of next year’s Parking Lot Celebration. The announcement comes hot on the heels of Ja’s Fyre Festival debacle, wherein music fans were charged up to $12,000 for the privilege of enjoying a VIP experience of models and bottles in the Bahamas, which never actually materialized. Instead of the promised luxe festival, which Ja and his backers dubbed “the anti-Coachella,” ticket holders were met with disaster relief tent lodging, struggle-wich premium dining, and zero performers, as everyone with an ounce of common sense bailed from the “dumpster fyre” in the days leading up to its start.
But the disastrous festival has also given birth to opportunity. As the unofficial face of the concert series, Ja has benefitted the most, with his stardom rising like an erstwhile phoenix from the fyre. In addition to becoming prime meme material for everyone from millennials to my mom, the multi-dimensional performer has also received more media attention than he ever did before.
The Queens native has parlayed his newfound relevance into planning and hosting duties for Parking Lot Celebration —the 4-day convention for fans of alternative Star Wars, which is held in the parking lot nearest the official Star Wars Celebration. For the last three years, prequel alum Jake Lloyd has headlined the event, but he’s decided to bow out in 2018 due to personal issues, exhaustion and prior gaming commitments. Lloyd will certainly be missed, as the convention has become synonymous with the child star, but Ja hopes to mix things up and dial up the urban appeal
According to our sources, Ja is already reaching out to Star Wars “thinkfluencers” and hip-hop “Fyre starters” to help spread the word well in advance. Ja and his team, led by Fyre C.E.O Billy McFarland, have also begun dreaming up deluxe amenities and interactive panels to wow festival goers. Below are several of the highlights, although, bear in mind we are months almost a year away so the following is subject to change.
- VIP Authentic Tatooine Accommodations — Genuine Tusken sand people huts will be constructed and available in the handicapped parking area. We’re told Ja is bringing in actual sand from the Bahamas to make the lodging feel beach-like.
- Mustafarian Fyre Pit BBQ — There will be limited-edition beef jerky on the menu along with sand-wiches (Vader’s hangry food) made up of one slice of blue cheese and a dollop of ketchup.
- Flava Flav’s Trading Post — “What time is it, you ask? It’s time to trade!” Step into a trading hut run by hip-hop superstar and reality TV icon Flava Flav, to barter for all kinds of cool Star Wars items.
- Ja Ja Binks and Queen Ashanti Amidala Present the Star Wars Prequels – Relive the rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker in this two-person musical variety show that squeezes the three films into 15 minutes of space hip-hopera.
- S’mores No Mores – Huddle around the quaint garbage can fires and dip your twig lightsaber in for a tasting experience powered by your imagination and ingredient deprivation.
- Parking Lot Rap Rock Jamboree — For the conventions marquee event, Ja and his Fyre team are hoping to secure Weird Al, Third Eye Blind, Ashanti and Incubus as potential no-shows.
Even at this early stage, Parking Lot Celebration 2018 certainly shows promise, but several social media pundits and Star Wars bloggers have expressed trepidation over Ja’s involvement with the storied festival.
“My biggest issue is that I just don’t think he’s a true fan,” said Carl Weatherly of Biloxi, Mississippi, a self-professed Star Wars expert and podcaster, from the comforts of his RV.
Despite naysayers, Ja remains positive and galvanized his team this morning with a champale toast, which he live-streamed exclusively for FakingStarWars.net:
“Let’s just do it and be Star Wars Legends, am I right?! Here’s to living like mock stars, racing like pod stars, and faking like pawn stars.”
We look forward to a bigger, bolder, and even more bizarre Parking Lot Celebration in 2018 under Ja Rule and his Fyre team. As always, keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.
