Shareholders Confirm Episode IX Face Melting Ability

According to FSW sources, a rough cut of Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker was screened for Disney shareholders early this week, and the experience resulted in literal meltdowns, with faces completely liquefied off heads. Disney CEO Bob Iger, who safely watched the investors watching the film from behind a fire-retardant, one-way mirror, said he’s absolutely thrilled by what he saw.