The Friday Fake-Off: Star Wars Rumors We’re Investigating!!
Happy Faux for All Friday!
While the staff here at Faking Star Wars prides itself on bringing you the very latest, we understand you’re going into weekend mode, and probably don’t want to be wearing Google Glasses on Saturday and Sunday. That’s why we’re introducing a new feature – The Friday Fake-Off – a weekly rumor roundup that toplines the juiciest leads we’re actively pursuing, while you’re busy weekending like a Bossk.
Here we go:
Former Breaking Bad star Aaron Paul and Star Wars prequel performer Ahmed Best may be teaming up to launch a Kickstarter for a sequel to the Kinect Star Wars dance videogame. The latest entry in the series to have all-new features, and more precise motion tracking thanks to Kinect 2.0. Rumor has it Mr. Paul was the driving force behind the idea, as he’s dreamed of doing to “the space worm” as Han Solo since he was a child. “Xbox, color us intrigued.”
Ex Machina writer-director Alex Garland claims there are easter eggs in his film which provide clues to The Force Awakens. That’s got us scratching our Dredd-heads… Do these hidden bits involve Domhnall Gleeson, Oscar Isaac, or our new cyborg waifu?
Following the success of Comedy Central’s Roast of Justin Beiber, the network is said to be in talks with none other than George Lucas. High level discussions are taking place between executives at Disney, Lucasfilm, and Comedy Central involving the usage of clips from Star Wars. Apparently, the creator of Star Wars would like it to be a star-studded affair headlined by some of his favorite comedians, including Jeff Dunham and Hannibal Buress. We’ve heard the cast of the prequels and the original Star Wars trilogy would likely show up, similar to how Carrie Fisher previously roasted Lucas at the director’s AFI Lifetime Achievement Award show. Spoiler: expect at least a few dozen prequel jokes if the planned roast does indeed come to fruition.
Oscar Isaac is set to return to galaxy far, far away in Episode VIII, but not as you would expect it. A leaky pipe told us that Isaac will be portraying a Twi’lek this time around, not the X-wing pilot Poe Dameron! What does this mean in terms of Poe Dameron’s fate in The Force Awakens? I guess we will find out in December unless someone else leaks something (hint hint wink wink nudge nudge).
A little birdy told us JJ Abrams plans on shaking things up right from the jump, literally with a new take on the iconic opening crawl of the Star Wars films. The plan is to modernize the text to be more millennial/digital-native friendly. We were sent a blurry phone picture but from what we could make out, the opening is as follows:
Episode 7
Dat 4ce (emoji waking up)
The rest was too blurry to make out, but our birdy has promised more pics of the new text/tweetspeak/emoji-laden opening crawl soon. YOLO!
Jake Lloyd will be attending Celebration 7 this year, but he will not be a part of any meet-and-greets, instead he will be setting up camp OUTSIDE the gates with other forgotten Star Wars actors in, get this, a drumline! Lloyd’s ensemble will include: Hugh Quarshie (Captain Panaka), Femi Taylor (Oola), and Jett Lucas (Zett Jukassa)! Jake might even pull some strings and have the star of Drumline himself, Mr. Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, show up to lead the parking lot procession. They will be performing April 17 from 8am – 12pm! By the way, don’t plan on getting any autographs from them.
This last one is a whopper. Director George Lucas, infamous for tinkering with his films a la Special Editions of the Original Trilogy, is apparently working on updating another one of his classic films. African-American Graffiti is said to be an urban retelling of Lucas’ coming of age comedy. The director is collaborating with writer-director Tyler Perry and comedian Steve Harvey to carefully swap out the rock-and-roll backdrop of the original for hip-hop culture.
More as we get it!
