Best Overheard in the Cantina
Psst… wanna hear what the scum and villainy really dish on over at the galaxy’s best bar & grill? Then prick up your ears, because it’s time to get your Garindan on and snoop like the best of them…
“Why, what have we here?! Cloud City must be missing an angel.”
“Wizard! They have handicapped podracer parking!”
“Don’t sit there… Greedo stains.”
“Hey I heard Boba Fett finally bit it.”
“No way, that guy was too hard-core to die.”
“I’m serious bro! I heard from my uncle who used to work for Jabba that Boba’s dead and some dude named Rambo stole his ship and armor!”
An Aqualesh asked a farm boy for a match in an alien tongue, a crazy doctor butted in and caused that old wizard Ben to slice off the poor Aqualesh’s arm with a lightsaber. All he wanted to do was light his deathstick.
“If I had a credit for every time someone lost a limb here…”
“Nooorrrrmmm…. trooper!”
“Who’s a guy gotta kill around here to get a twirly lightsaber umbrella in his cocktail?!”
Someone shouting “Freebird!” at Figrin D’an after the Modal Nodes finished their set.
“Is the name of this establishment still canon?”
“That scoundrel in the corner with the Wookiee keeps feeling me up.”
Wuher, “Hey.. we don’t serve their kind in here.”
Kirk, “What?!?”
Wuher, “Your red shirts… they’ll have to wait outside.”
Kirk, “Scotty, why don’t you wait outside… we don’t want any trouble.”
“The last time Han shot first, that catfish guy wound up dead.”
“I heard some asshole saying he did the Cannonball Run in 8 parsecs!”
A stuffy Imperial walks up to the bar, “Medium dry vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred.”
“I swear, if Bea Aurthur shows up here again, I’ll kill that vhlor!”
Wuher, [answering the comm] “Mos Eisley Cantina.”
Luke, “Hello, is Al there?”
Wuher, “Al?”
Luke, “Yes, Al. Last name: Coholic.”
Wuher, “Let me check…” [calls] “Comm call for Al. Al Coholic. Is there an Al Coholic here?”
[cantina patrons laugh]
Wuher, “Wait a minute.” [to comm] “Listen, you little scruffy-lookin’ nerfherder, if I ever find out who you are, I’ll kill you!”
[hangs up]
Uncle Owen: “I hope you do find that punk someday, Wuher.”
