Top 10 Things in JJ Abrams’ Mystery Box
Legendary cryptologist Benjamin Franklin Gates has cracked the code on yet another National Treasure on Independence Day — JJ Abrams’ Mystery Box! The expert historian discovered the director’s box of secrets in a shallow grave outside Eerie, Indiana. After clearing the lid of partially decomposed Gungan bones, Gates dove into the enigmatic box. Hit the jump to see the top 10 things found inside JJ Abrams’ Mystery Box. Spoiler alert: JJ’s a really, really weird guy.
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| Why the long face, Master P? |
10. Darth Plagueis’ death certificate
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| “Thank you, JJ! You’re not my sister, right?” |
9. Luke Skywalker’s “V” card
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| Filmed with a vintage potato. |
8. Super 8 footage of JFK shooter
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| Now this is Broadbenting! |
7. Autographed pod racing helmet signed “Jake Broadbent”
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| The Leg Breaker. |
6. Diagrams of how to rig Millennium Falcon door to collapse on Harrison Ford; buy him 6 more months
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| 1 part midichlorian, 2 parts asparagus, and 5 parts tears of joy. |
5. Jar with his first urination taken on set of Star Wars: The Force Awakens
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| Big ears and big hands could only mean one thing. Invasion. |
4. Adam Driver’s enormous jock strap
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3. Greg Grunberg’s cargo container-sized doggy bag from craft service
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| Soon to be cloned. |
2. Pieces of Steven Spielberg’s hair.
1. Blu-rays of secretly produced shot-by-shot remakes of the prequels with lens flare aplenty
Happy Faux of July!
