Psychologists Recommend Integration Counseling for Middle-aged Star Wars Fans

Practical panini on location at Panera Bread in downtown Indianapolis.

Storm Duper’s sister, who ironically is also Jacen’s cousin, has lunch with a psychologist frequently in downtown Indianapolis.  In between bites of her reuben panini, she explained:

“We’re talking about a generation that has lived their entire lives under the illusion that there would never be an Episode VII. For most of these fans, all their life decisions have been made with this under-girding psychological context. Now, all that will change. The consequences may be disastrous for those who do not properly prepare by engaging in some “integration counseling”.”

One common effect of the new movie in older fans may be total abject regret over their life decisions. Some murmuring to this effect has already been observed. One fan, who chose to remain anonymous to FSW, confessed:

“I never should have given up faith and gotten a normal job. I’ve thrown away the last three decades. While I could have been on messageboards discussing the potential plot points of Episode VII for thirty years, instead I was wasting time with Expanded Universe novels and prequel trash on my lunch hour. I’ve thrown it all away”. 

Fans may also feel an intense sense of guilt for leaving their favorite characters for naught and moving ahead with other aspects of the Star Wars universe. “I guess I just thought Han and Leia had it all worked out after Endor. I never considered maybe things didn’t go the way we had all expected. I hope they aren’t too upset with me for ignoring their future these past thirty-two years,” said a fan on a sofa at a local psychological counseling session. 

In a recent article in Counseling Today, president of the American Psychological Counselors Association, Ziggy Floyd, called on all practices to update their treatment regimens and protocols to deal with an onslaught of nervous breakdowns and personality crises after the release of The Force Awakens. 

Some practices have even preemptively offered a “two-fer” on counseling sessions for those suffering from PPTSD (Post Prequel Traumatic Stress Disorder) and dealing with the guilt and regret of having abandoned the future of Star Wars these past thirty years.

Stay tuned to Faking Star Wars for more updates as this develops.