Kenner Toy Makers Unite: “Give Us Our The Force Awakens Trailer!”
After months of blood, sweat, and tears in the production line for The Force Awakens toys, young Kenner employees living in a shanty town outside of the capital city of Latveria, a small down-trodden nation, have finally reached their breaking point. After the jump, find out why!
FakingStarWars has always advocated for the poor and down-trodden as a part of our journalistic ethics. In this case, we sent Jacen’s European cousin undercover to speak to some of the Latverian child laborers who have been churning out Star Wars characters the last few months.
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| Jacen’s cousin Victor. |
Victor told us, “It wasn’t easy to embed myself with the locals there. At first there were layers of security from Kenner and Disney that I had to transverse. I think I used up all my good fake noses and spirit gum on this story.”
Once he got in though, he was able to talk to some of the young children who pour plastic for figurine molds at the plant. Touhidur Rahman, who has been homeless during his entire time at the plant, was recently quoted saying, “I want the trailer. I been promised trailer. 6 months I work. I make Chewbacca dog man. I make BB-8 football robot. I sleep on ground near river. Very smelly. Still no trailer. Please give me.”
The Latverian child workers have united together and even have had the wherewithal to create a petition on Change.org begging the director JJ Abrams to finally provide their promised trailers.
The petition explains: “Trailers are almost never provided so late before the release of a feature film, especially when the workers have held out on finding other accommodations. Please hear our cry.”
In a twist, it seems that Jacen’s cousin may have actually embedded himself too deep this time, and he may have taken up the cause of the Latverians. We here at FakingStarWars do not control our sources, so we cannot comment on the veracity of these potential developments.
However, the last report we received was a short video clip of him brandishing a club at the factory headquarters screaming, “The people with trailer will never be defeated.”
More news from the field as this develops.
