Luke’s Absence Is No Accident, Says JJ
As fans everywhere have been enjoying the final theatrical trailer for The Force Awakens, the question on everyone’s minds is “Where’s Luke?” At the time of this writing, the trailer has been viewed more than 53 million times, but still nobody has been able to explain Skywalker’s glaring omission from all three trailers – until now. After the jump, find out the reason that Luke hasn’t appeared in any promotional materials for the film whatsoever!
JJ was interviewed last week and explained clearly that Luke’s omission was “not at accident”. This has led many fans to entertain the most wild and ridiculous speculations regarding Luke in the film. One of the stupidest theories is that Luke is actually Kylo Ren in the movie. We here are fakingstarwars.net do not waste our time with such poppycock. We only report the real news, as we get it. When we heard JJ’s interview, we started fishing. And boy did we ever fish up a whopper this time.
The reason for Luke’s absence from the trailer is both simple and shocking. He is not in the film. Not at all. Not as a Sith, not as a force ghost, and not as a rogue Jedi master in hiding. In fact, his name is not even mentioned in the entire film.
Let’s consider the facts.
1. JJ himself said that Luke’s omission is entirely intentional.
2. Luke is glaringly absent from the theatrical poster as well.
3. In the history of Star Wars, every single character who has not appeared in the films is also absent from the films’ posters.
4. Conclusion: Luke is not in The Force Awakens.
While we initially had to peel our faces off the floor when we came to this realization, the facts didn’t stop there. We triangulated our analysis with some cracking undercover reporting that we have been doing since the film began production.
Jacen’s cousin worked as a custodian at Pinetree Studios in London. One night, while emptying out a “rubbish bin” as they say in jolly ol’ England, he discovered a discarded copy of the Force Awakens script, heavily sodden in old donuts and pizza. Although it was too wet and sticky to make out the words, he was able to do some infrared analysis of the ink impressions in the paper. Based on his findings, he was able to conclude that the word “Luke” never appears once in the dialogue or shot entrances for any of the characters in the film.
One late night during production, Jacen’s cousin was working hard on the make-shift infrared detection lab he set up in the janitorial closet. He heard someone stumble drunk down the hallway. It was JJ on the way to his trailer! He was heard muttering to himself “It’s empty! The mystery box is empty! There’s nothing in it! Hahahahha! Fools!”
In addition to the Bavarian crème and tomato sauce covered script, Jacen’s cousin also acquired a list of set notes and communiqués between Kathleen Kennedy, Mark Hamill, and Disney higher-ups. These notes testify to a disturbing plot by Disney to mislead fans into the believing that Luke is part of the cast, and will reprise his role as Skywalker.
In doing some background research for this piece, it came to our attention that not only does this conspiracy fit perfectly with JJ’s history of misleading fans, but it also confirms some other surprising facts about Mark Hamill. You can expect these revelations in a future expose report. Until then, prepare yourself for a Star Wars without a Luke.
