Star Wars Episode VIII: By the Fans, Of the Fans, For the Fans.

November 5, 2015 Storm Duper

Lucasfilm incessantly pounded out the message at all the past marketing events that the new Star Wars films are “all about the fans.” A loose tally recorded over 1,230 instances where a member of the production panels at said events reminded the fans that the movies are all about them. Well, it’s not just talk anymore! After the jump we explore the new roles fans will play in the Star Wars universe, starting with Episode VIII.

In light of that, Rian Johnson came forward late Tuesday night, to announce some huge changes for the production of Star Wars: Episode VIII.

“We all realized that we’ve been guilty of paying a lot of lip service to fans about these movies being all about them, but haven’t really put the money where our mouths are. In fact, only one stupid fan will even appear in The Force Awakens, and that’s because he donated to some lame charity drive. That is not acceptable behavior, and it’s the last straw. That’s why I’m immediately stepping down as director of the next film. Everything is now up to the fans and I will be on set to advise only. Here’s to you Daniel.”

Meet some of the production staff of *Episode VIII*!

“Freaking the force out” is an understatement as some of the biggest fan fiction writers and cosplayers in the community reacted dramatically to the news. Twitter exploded yesterday with photos of proposed ship designs like the “t-wing fighter”, a crude maquette of two twinkies squashed together, and a new character called “super hot Jedi girl”, who has a Barbie-esque figure, spiderweb leggings and a tube top.

Twinkies will figure heavily into the set design materials used for Johnson’s “fan-centric” epic.

Aware of the potential anarchy that could ensue by turning over the budget and production to fans, Kathleen Kennedy has instituted a basic framework to guide fans in this endeavor.

“First of all, we want it to be real. All practical effects. So we are proposing that scenes be shot outside the various celebrations and cons that take place. There’s so much creativity that fans bring to their costumes, and that needs to be in the next film”.

563745961SH00093-Star-Wars--1 — After hundreds of fan letters requesting it, Kathleen has finally agreed to portray Mara Jade in *Episode VIII.*

In another daring move, Kennedy has turned to the writing crew at FakingStarWars to handle main screenplay duties and directing endeavors. Willybobo, the site’s administrator, reacted by saying,

“We knew this was going to happen long ago. We have been sitting on this scoop secretly for about 5 months, but have just come forward to confirm it now that it’s all over the Internet and we can bask in the glory of confirming what everyone already knows. Also, we feel strongly that Jake Lloyd and Josh Trank should be heavily consulted in producing this film.”

Trank gets a second chance this time around on *Episode VIII*.

When asked what we can expect to see in the next installment, another FSW contributor, Soloist explained,

“We want to include as many indiscriminate fanboy speculations and sentimental references to the original films as possible – even if that means the story has to be more precarious and convoluted. This is about the fans, after all.”

Stop motion animation of Lego jawas has already started filming, in a sandbox near FSW headquarters. A large golden retriever’s turd that was crudely unearthed during production has been sculpted into a new desert villain dubbed “The Jakku Stool Serpent”, who will impart fear in the hearts of any scavengers who roam the planet’s surface in the new film. Willybobo went on to say,

“This will be all about practical effects and getting back to the authenticity of Star Wars. May the force be with us all!”

Additionally the recent social media campaign, #ForceForDaniel has paid off as terminal cancer patient, Daniel Fleetwood has not only been given the exclusive privilege to view The Force Awakens early but has also been cast in a key role in Episode VIII due to Rian Johnson’s pushing of the matter.

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