Secrets Discovered on Empire Magazine’s The Force Awakens Covers
Empire magazine has unveiled 6 new covers featuring characters from the highly anticipated film Star Wars: The Force Awakens. As exciting as that is, we’ve used our Google Glass to enhance the images in order to reveal previously unrevealed secrets. For example, in Finn’s cover seen above, we were able to determine John Boyega will in fact be sporting a high-top fade during his duel with Kylo Ren. Clearly a sign he is a Jedi and, more importantly, a gentleman since he’s looking quite dapper for the climactic battle. Keep reading to discover the secrets hidden within the other 5 Empire magazine covers.
On ace pilot Poe Dameron’s Empire magazine cover we noticed a few important details. For one, he is right-handed which has far-reaching implications given most lefties are already considered evil within Star Wars canon. Second, we noticed a new droid to Poe’s left — a droid that is neither R2-D2, C-3PO, or BB-8. Who is this mystery astromech cutie pie?
Kylo Ren’s cover is a doozie! Not only can we surmise that his on Mustafar from the lava behind him, but upon closer inpsection, we were shocked to discover the Tower of Sauron in the distance. Is Disney laying the groundwork for a potential Lord of the Rings/Star Wars crossover? Perhaps Andy Serkis is playing a mutated Smeagol who seeks vengeance on the Jedi. His new precious, of course, would be Luke’s lightsaber. Our minds spin at the possibilities!
Next we have Captain Phasma who’s packing heat as usual, but here’s something a bit unusual: the elite chrometrooper has an athletic cup covering her crotch. This interesting crotch cover has a pair of dimples or vents on either side. What could this mean? Does she need to air out her privates occasionally? We can assume this means she is a humanoid who emits pheromones and likely menstruates as well.
With Rey’s cover we noticed how her head-to-toe garb is very reminiscent of The Mummy as well as fashions seen in Prince of Persia video games. Might this mean that she is part Egyptian — maybe a demi-god related to Mumra? Or, even more explosive, what if she can also manipulate the sands of time. Could she perhaps be the first time-traveling Jedi?
We’ve saved the most shocking secret for last. On Han Solo and Chewbacca’s Empire magazine cover, it appears Solo is sporting a pocket protector variant on his leather jacket. We’re of the mind this could mean that he’s not fully retired in the least. In fact, it points to the smuggler having become an educator in his later years. Rumor has it Solo is now a grouchy substitute teacher at Luke’s Jedi Academy. He teaches basic blaster skills and general street smarts as most Jedi are boy scouts who lack survival skills. We cannot wait to see Professor Solo at work — hopefully in Episode VIII when class is in session.
That’s all for now folks! As always keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net or follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram for the lastest made-up news on the greatest made-up films in the known and unknown galaxy.
