Fake News

R2-D2 Helping Feds to Crack iPhone

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The smart phone at the center of the battle between the Federal government and Apple is set to have a one-one-one meeting with R2-D2, the astromech droid made famous in the Star Wars films. The code-cracking R2 unit was personally recruited by FBI chief James B. Comey.

“Apple wants to play hardball, so we’ve called in the big guns. R2 has yet to meet a phone, doorway, or garbage chute that didn’t bend to his will. An iPhone 5… a 5c no less… stands no chance against his strong arm tactics.”

Apple CEO Tim Cook, a self-professed BB-8 fan, is not surprised by this latest development.

“Artoo has always been an oversharer — from Leia’s hologram to his selfies with Amy Schumer, he simply doesn’t value human privacy.”

While there’s no question R2-D2 will crack the encryption on the device, his involvement raises serious questions about the government’s power over data. Privacy advocates are concerned this may set a precedent whereby the astromech droid is used to crack smart phone security at the government’s whim. When probed for a comment on this story, R2-D2 simply whistled dixie, spun his head around indignantly, and rolled away.

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-William “Willybobo” Bobo

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Willybobo

Hailing from the fictional planet of Yarvin IV, which is populated by bumblebee people, is Willybobo. As the Editor-in-chief of FSW, he strives to make the Star Wars fan community a better place for nerds and geeks everywhere. Willybobo was a very active member of the Cantina Star Wars fan forum so you may recognize him from there. He lives with an urn carrying the ashes of his former master, and spends all day asking the mighty Sheev for advice.

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