Amber Heard & Johnny Depp Apologize for Smuggling Midichlorians into Australia
LOS ANGELES, CA — The dramatic midichlorian-smuggling case involving actors Amber Heard and Johnny Depp has been resolved with the married couple agreeing to film a public apology. In the video, a somber looking Heard explains why it is very important for the galaxy as a whole to respect Australia’s strict biosecurity laws.
“Australia is free of many pests, diseases, and Force-sensitives that are commonplace around the world,” Heard states. “That is why Australia has to have such strong biosecurity laws…. I am truly sorry that Johnny and I did not disclose our midichlorian count to authorities. It was wrong and thick-headed of us to use our dogs Pistol and Boo as smokescreens. They are innocent and completely midichlorian-free.”
Depp, almost unrecognizable without layers of Hollywood makeup, added:
“The Force is a living thing, and if it is in your blood, you have a responsibility to declare it along with all other organisms in your possession upon arrival to the beautiful continent of Australia.”
Toward the end of the recorded apology, the couple produced a Jedi holocron, which emitted the ghostly image of the late Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn. The overly tall Jedi launched into a chant that Depp and Heard repeated several times, while kneeling, in a bizarre form of repentance.
In addition to the PSA for the Australian government, Heard also pled guilty to providing false biometric data to authorities when she brought the pair of Yorkies into the country. The actress was sentenced to a one-month good behavior bond, so if she breaks no laws and refrains from using Force powers in Australia for the next month, she may avoid a fine of just under $700.
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