Area Man Confuses May 3rd for Star Wars Day, Suffers Dearly
Boise, Idaho — For pharmaceutical sales rep Randy Johnson, today was meant to be a day filled with intra-office Star Wars emails, memes and general excitement for all things related to George Lucas’ space opera. Because today was Star Wars Day, May the 4th Be With You Day.
Only it wasn’t. In his excitement, Johnson failed to realize he was 24 hours early for Star Wars Day. As a result, today was filled with awkwardness, despair and downright scorn.
Johnson, who was decked out in his lucky Star Wars shirt — a fan-made prequel iron-on ringer — found little use for his Chewbacca mask and Meco Star Wars Galactic Funk CD. Even the mail room intern, an early adopter and pop culture expert, failed to reciprocate the positive Star Wars vibes Johnson was radiating.
At first he embraced the awkwardness of the situation and tried to make the most of things. But his greetings of “May the 4th be With You” and “The 4th is with me, I am one with the 4th” continued to fall on deaf ears. As morning gave way to early afternoon, Johnson began to sense a change come over his colleagues. They would snicker around him, occasionally mutter “Dork” or “Virgin” under their breaths, and attempt to place Post-Its on his back.
By midday, Johnson could not hide his growing resentment any longer. The Star Wars superfan felt beaten down after several hours of shaming, which continued on Slack, the office’s online collaborative tool. To finally put an end to his office nightmare, Johnson feigned illness and left early for the day. On his way out, the veteran sales rep discarded a tin of Han Solo in carbonite cookies he had baked for the office.
According to early reports, Johnson is no longer a Star Wars fan, and will be taking a sick day tomorrow. He will return for Cinco de Mayo on May 5th though, as he still believes in that manufactured holiday. As always, keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
