Millennium Falcon Attempts Insane Maneuver to Escape Disney Contract
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Citing age-related mechanical issues and unhappiness with where Disney is taking his character, the Millennium Falcon is attempting to make an early exit from the studio’s iron-clad contract. Insiders speculate the Falcon began to cool on the sequel trilogy as soon as whispers of Han Solo’s fate began to make the rounds. A source close to the negotiations claims the Falcon was the last to know what would become of his on-screen pilot of more than 30 years.
“Lenny didn’t take that too well. And he thinks they did it on purpose… because only moments after they gave him the script for Force Awakens, they asked him to sign away the next 50 years of his life… come on, the old guy wasn’t in his right mind. Disney’s going to have a tough fight to make that contract stick.”
Apparently, the Falcon is asking for The Last Jedi to be his swan song. The light freighter is claiming he inked the Disney contract under extreme duress. Of course, being the spaceship most synonymous with Star Wars, makes it very unlikely Disney is going to just let the YT-1300 fly off into the sunset, without a formidable legal battle.
“He’s even willing to leave a few pieces behind, like his rectangular sensor array or his chess table, so Disney can design a new ship that has visual callbacks to his design. Hopefully, that’s enough to free him from his contract,” said our source.
We believe Disney is grossly underestimating the Millennium Falcon. While he may not be able to make the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs anymore, he’s still very fast for his age, and is completely capable of beating the odds just as he did at the the Battles of Endor and Taanab, respectively. We’ve heard “Lennie” may even leverage his relationship with Chewbacca to ensure his freedom.
“It wouldn’t be unheard of for the Falcon to threaten Disney with the possibility of starting a chain reaction among the old cast of characters. Can you imagine if Lennie gets Chewie to walk too? I would think Disney wants to avoid that at all costs, so they may have no choice but to let the Falcon fly free,” added our source.
Hopefully both parties can reach a mutually beneficial agreement. We would hate to see the Falcon’s legacy tarnished over a squabble involving contracts and potential indentured servitude. As always, keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
