Star Wars Story Group to Direct All Future Star Wars Stories
San Francisco, CA — Following the creative hiccups encountered with its first two Star Wars spinoff movies, Lucasfilm has announced an all-new approach to filmmaking that has Hollywood up in arms. Company president Kathleen Kennedy plans to do away with crediting a single director on any of the upcoming standalone Star Wars films. Instead, Kennedy is proposing a new system whereby her internal group of creative executives known as the Lucasfilm Story Group is credited as directors.
Film industry insiders suggest this was a plan long in the making, with the most recent production snafus on Rogue One and Han Solo serving as the tipping point. According to one expert, “It’s about transparency with the fans. These spinoffs were always going to be producer-driven vehicles for creativity by committee. At least this way, Kathy’s letting everyone know that ahead of time.”
Lucasfilm’s radical suggestion is already facing stiff opposition from the Director’s Guild of America. The organization has a very strict rule, which states that no more than 12 directors can be credited on any given project. Kennedy’s plan would effectively be crediting 28 female creative executives, 17 male assistants, 6 social media managers, 16 Star Wars t-shirt stylists, and one Pablo Hidalgo for directing every new spinoff film.
The DGA has also found allies in disgruntled directors Josh Trank as well as Phil Lord and Chris Miller, all of which have been previously ousted by Lucasfilm for not adhering to the committee’s vision for their respective films.
“[incoherent] Nyuk nyuk nyuk [blabbering] Helloooooooooooooooo! [plays with fidget spinner] This is stealing jobs away from talented filmmakers. My pack of wild dogs gotta eat, too,” said Trank through his dog whisperer/interpreter.
“If they wanted to really be transparent, they would credit Kathy Kennedy as director, not her girl stooges. Though we gotta admit, this is definitely funnier than Han Solo under Ron Howard. El oh el,” added Lord and Miller.
Should Kennedy’s proposal overcome the DGA’s objections, the first films directed by the Lucasfilm Story Group will include the untitled Obi-Wan Kenobi spinoff film, a Boba Fett standalone, and a young adult romance film set during the prequel era.
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