Snoke Theories Finally Outnumber Theories About Who Does Rey’s Hair
It took two years of pure imagination but Star Wars fans have a new most popular topic of speculation. The origins of Supreme Leader Snoke, the central villain in Disney’s new films following the Skywalker clan, now reigns supreme. The decrepit alien being is the subject of approximately 1.7 million theories ranging from the highly implausible to the hilariously uninformed. Among the theories born on Twitter, reddit, and 4chan are countless variations on Snoke’s true identity. Since day one, fans have speculated the leader of the First Order must be Darth Plagueis aka Darth Vegas since it would tie all three trilogies together. Of course, also since day one, Lucasfilm mouthpieces have denied the obvious over and over again, claiming Snoke is an entirely new character.
Virtually everyone in the known canonical Star Wars universe has been Snoke, according to one theory or another. Lore experts have gone so far as to claim the Supreme Leader is Anakin Skywalker, Mace Windu, General Leia, time-traveling Luke, clone Luuke, the first Sith who killed his sister who then was reincarnated as Rey, the last surviving Youngling out for revenge, Goldmember from the Austin Powers films, Grand Moff Tarkin — even George Lucas himself!
There seems to be no end to the speculation involving the enigmatic Lord Snoke. Still, theories about the shadowy figure had been neck-and-neck with another popular subject of speculation among Star Wars fans: Rey’s hair.
For months, the mystery of who or what styles the locks of the new face of Star Wars has captivated fans. Given the limited personal grooming supplies on Jakku, Rey must have had help with her hair. Was it Teedo with a salvaged hair straightener? Did Rey’s old X-Wing pilot helmet have curlers inside? Did her intricate triple buns indicate a high rank among the Knights of Ren? All of these questions and more formed the basis for nearly 1.5 million fan theories, many of which were formed by beauty bloggers, style mavens, and strong female cosplayers.
Ironically enough, it took an overgrown hairless being to dethrone Rey’s hair as the most popular subject of speculation for Star Wars fans the world over. Experts believe the recent Last Jedi promo photos that leaked are responsible for the latest surge in Snoke theories that put him on top.
“He looks amazing, and he’s all practical now! Those neck holes alone generated 25,000 new Snoke theories. Meanwhile, Rey’s hair is really disappointing. She looks like a greasy Legolas… not something I want to think about tee bee aihch,” said reformed Reddit troll and current /r/StarWarsSpeculation subreddit mod SnokeLoverSupreme.
As Snoke mania reaches a fever pitch, entire cottage industries have sprung up dedicated to quenching fandom’s thirst for answers and swag featuring the villain who’s “been through a lot.”
FakingStarWars has even joined the fray with a limited-edition t-shirt that can help spur even more conversation and theories involving Snoke.
At this point, whomever’s theory is proven correct when The Last Jedi lands in December will surely be king/queen of the nerds. So if you don’t have a Snoke theory yet, now’s the time to form one! Good luck!
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-William “Willybobo” Bobo
