Last Jedi Spoilers: Vampire Snoke, Phasma Palpatine & More!
Like an engorged vampire bat out of hell, we’ve returned with the juiciest of Last Jedi spoilers. Namely, what the hell is Snoke, why Captain Phasma deserves a book or two, and the details on Finn’s Cyborg-esque turn in the upcoming Star Wars sequel. Set spoiler alerts to maximum Kevin Smith tears and buckle up, because we’re going in hard.
An informant known as “Candie” sent this in last week. After much internal vetting and cross-referencing with our most trustworthy moles, the following spoilers have been 100% confirmed as almost certain rumors. Without further ado, here’s the bloody leak:
Finn’s cyborg upgrades may have saved his life, but at a very high cost. As it turns out the tech in his spinal implant doesn’t have the greatest firewall per se. Unfortunate indeed, as once Finn is captured by The First Order, they immediately hack into the implant connected to his nervous system. The half-man, half-cyborg hero from The Force Awakens unwittingly gives up the location of the Resistance base on D’Qar. It’s too bad Galen Erso didn’t program Finn’s spinal implant as we’re sure he’d have made it more secure or at least rig it so Finn explodes before giving away vital information.
Now onto the juicier bits…
Supreme Leader Snoke is worse than a powerful dark side user. He’s actually a vampire, who survives by leeching blood from victims and staying in close proximity to those strong in the force. Think of him as Nosferatu meets Palpatine. During the film, the 8-foot tall vampire literally bathes in blood that has been sucked from his prisoners, who are kept alive via special equipment. His elite Praetorian Guard are also in red costumes because they are also preternaturally strong vampires created years ago.
Snoke’s current form is also not his first. The film does not go into great detail, but apparently the Supreme Leader has survived thousands of years by jumping into various host bodies across the galaxy. He is in fact the very first dark sider who was gifted powers along with his sister by the very first force tree. While his sister used her powers for good, Snoke used them for evil. Unlike Anakin Skywalker, Snoke turns immediately. He murders his sister very soon after discovering his powers. The film does not overtly state that Rey is the reincarnation of the very first light side user (Snoke’s sister) but it is heavily implied. The film leaves this mystery open ended, but it will likely be resolved by the close of the sequel trilogy.
But wait, there’s more!
Captain Phasma is more than overhyped trash. Turns out she is the daughter of Sheev Palpatine. That’s right, everyone’s favorite Galactic Emperor sired a kid, and she has clearly taken after him. Despite what we’ve been led to believe, Phasma – not Kylo Ren or Hux – is second-in-command of the First Order. After the death of her father, she made a pact with Snoke for a senior role in exchange for the Empire’s remaining military staff, equipment, and infrastructure. Another piece of trivia revealed: Phasma’s chrome armor is made from leftover metal from her late father’s Super Star Destroyer the Executor.
And we’re not done yet! There’s even more!
Rose Tico is a native of the planet Crait. Under the Empire’s rule, her people slaved away many years in the mines. Rose discovers that Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo wants to capture Crait just to use the existing “slave workforce” to finance the Resistance. This revelation, along with the needless death of her sister Paige, causes Rose to switch sides and betray Finn in the process.
Starkiller base was actually an Emperor Palpatine project, prepared in the event his Empire should ever fall. The weapon was discovered by Poe Dameron’s father, but he didn’t live long enough to bring the news to the Resistance. This is what fuels Poe to lead a scout mission to the planet where Snoke lives.
Thanks for the spoilers, Candie! These should help appease any fears that The Last Jedi is simply a rehash of The Empire Strikes Back. As always, keep it locked to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.
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