No Re-Entry Upon Exit During Select Screenings Of The Last Jedi
At 2 hours and 30 minutes, The Last Jedi is the longest Star Wars film to date, and eager fans don’t want to miss even a second of the on-screen action. But what happens if nature calls or your newborn baby craps their diaper or you forgot to purchase two extra chili corndogs for Act 3? Not to worry.
Our theater correspondent claims AMC and a few other multiplex chains will be holding special “Lock Down” screenings of The Last Jedi during its first and second week runs. These special viewings will not allow re-entry upon exit during the film – no matter what. While this may sound irrational, the theaters will be offering limited-edition Last Jedi superfan survival combo boxes, which each include a personal First Aid kit, two one-size-fits-all diapers, a pair of male and female underwear, deodorant, toilet paper and a privacy blanket to take care of most bodily functions in the privacy of your own seat.
“This is for the ultimate fans who don’t want to miss a thing. These people don’t want to be bothered by lesser fans who keep getting up for whatever reason,” said Jeb Michaelson of AMC.
Of course, convenience comes at a cost for superfans. We’re told theaters will be charging as much as $29.50 a ticket for the opportunity to be locked in a darkened room for 150 minutes. As for the survival combo kits, those will cost $19.99 each but include a collectable porg-mania catheter. The novel screenings have already begun selling out around the country as fans look to secure uninterrupted views of the upcoming sequel to The Force Awakens.
“I will be shaving, showering and taking care of number 1 and number 2 from my seat, because how often can you actually do that while watching Star Wars with a room full of people? If all goes according to plan, I’ll be live-streaming my streams as well,” said a rabid fan in Milwaukee.
Spoiler alert: this will likely be the first and last of these kinds of screenings.
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-William “Willybobo” Bobo
