World’s Littlest Porg Fan Still In Womb And Totes Adorbs
HINTON, WEST VIRGINIA — Newlyweds Mark and Missy Coleman received quite the surprise during a routine visit to the OB-GYN — their four-month old bundle of joy is already a porg superfan! According to Dr. Owen Schlessinger, the ultrasound imaging machine visualized a perfectly healthy fetus along with an outcropping that just so happens to be in the shape of the cute new creatures from Star Wars: The Last Jedi.
Mr. Coleman, a part-time karate instructor, had this to say;
“Doc says it’s not really one of them critters, just some sorta uterine wall formation. But if this gets us a free trip to Disney, then hell yeah that’s a bonafide porg stuffed animal! Tater tot uses it for naptime inside Missy.”
At first glance, the porg shaped mass seemed to just be a rare occurrence, but even Schlessinger was impressed when the fetus reacted to porg sounds directed at Mrs. Coleman’s belly.
“The four-month old fetus definitely smiles when it hears the distinct chirp of the porgs. You can even see it hug the biological mass a little tighter. The whole dang thing is too cute, if I do say so myself.”
Schlessinger is not alone. It seems everyone in town thinks this may be the most adorable thing ever. Since news first broke, the Colemans and the “world’s littlest porg fan” have become local celebrities among West Virginia’s tightly knit Star Wars community. The couple already received nearly 2,000 pieces of gender-neutral porg merchandise for their fetus. One superfan has even volunteered to customize a porg-themed nursery for the Colemans.
No word on whether Disney will be sending the family to Disneyland for free, but one thing’s for certain. The three Colemans will be heading to the movie theater come December 15, courtesy of a local theater manager. “That fetus deserves to hear the porgs in rip-roaring surround sound,” said the local businessman who preferred to remain anonymous. We couldn’t agree more.
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-William “Willybobo” Bobo
