5 Hair-Raising Surprises Found In Snoke’s Wig Collection
At FSW we pride ourselves on having a far-reaching network of informants willing to get in harm’s way to bring us exclusives. And there’s nowhere more dangerous than Supreme Leader Snoke’s inner sanctum aboard The Supremacy. Yet that’s exactly where our trusted spy found herself to bring us a first look at the wealthy alien’s vast wig collection. It might be common knowledge that Snoke prefers to make a grand appearance, but until now people have compared him to a Hugh Hefner-style playboy, happiest in a golden robe and little else. What our spy found is quite the opposite. In fact, Snoke actually subverts expectations and his wigs prove that he may be more Liberace than Hef. In any case, let’s jump into the standouts from his hair-raising collection.
The Sexy Clown
This rainbow-colored afro helps soften Snoke’s appearance, making him seem downright human – even goofy! The circus like vibe helps soften his hard-edged appearance, while triggering a host of other fetishes and phobias. Snokey the Clown is at once tragic and beautiful all the same. Definitely welcome at any party!
The Woodsnoke
A tightly cropped bundle of curls creates a most groovy look for Leader Snoke. His rose-tinted shades allude to a future filled with bloodshed and happening good times. In this wig, Snoke is ready to take cross-country rides with hippy-dippy pals. It’s peace, love and hair grease… from a methodical megalomaniac hellbent on ruling the agalaxy. Well played, Woodsnoke.
The Judge, Jury & Executioner
This lawyerly British look affords Leader Snoke an air of dignity as he lords over his subjects. A chrome dome simply cannot hold court as well as a wig made of space horse hair. What we particularly love about this look is that Snoke can wear three hats with a single wig: judge, jury and executioner. Take a break, Praetorian Guard. Your fancy looking boss can handle this.
The Little Mermaid
General Hux can’t have all the fun! This ginger number helps put the overly ambitious underling back in his place. Not only is the flowing silky smooth red hair reminiscent of The Little Mermaid, it’s also made using the blood of real space mermaids found in the Unknown Regions of space. There can only be one queen bee in space, and this red wig ensures it’s Snoke every single time.
The AeroSith
This ’80s long haired wig is clearly inspired by the iconic frontman of AeroSith. At the same time, it owes a debt to the bizarre stylings of celebrated writer/producer/actor Tommy Wiseau. The red bandana does a great job of pulling the look together. It’s classic rock & roll with a large dose of badboy for good measure. Honestly, Snoke looks 350 years younger in this getup. Rock on, you golden god!
Thanks to our informant for bringing us this exclusive look into Snoke’s wig collection. As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
