Spoilerman Goes Spoiler-Free For The Last Jedi
In a bit of feel good news, FSW is happy to report that legendary movie ruiner Spoilerman is celebrating 4 years of being 100% spoiler-free. The pioneer of spoiling Star Wars films made a name for himself by sharing details of The Force Awakens before anyone else. After quickly gaining notoriety, however, things soured for Spoilerman as he encountered one setback after another stemming from his addiction to spoilers.
“It became my lifeblood. I just had to have spoilers and share them with as many people as possible. I knew I had a problem when it was just me alone, spouting spoilers to myself. Not even on a messageboard or reddit. I was just getting high on the stuff in the basement alone. I’d even write spoilers between my toes because my mom started noticing the ones on my arms.”
Fortunately Spoilerman’s family and friends held an intervention before the Star Wars superfan caused any more harm to himself or the fandom’s communities. After hearing passionate pleas from those closest to him, including other infamous online trolls, Spoilerman agreed to enter a rehabilitation program.
“I can’t tell you how much the SA [Spoilers Anonymous] program did for me. It helped me turn my life around. It wasn’t easy. The withdrawal process was super painful, but man it was so worth it. Once I got on the wagon, I realized how my addiction to spoilers was literally spoiling my life, and the life of those near and dear to my heart.”
Not only did Spoilerman successfully complete his 18-month SA program, he actually met his future wife, herself a spoiler hound in recovery, at the local Knights of Columbus, where the meetings were held every Saturday night. And we’re thrilled to report Spoilerman and his wife are actually expecting their first child together. And believe it or not, not once did the couple think to spoil the gender of their child. It will be a surprise to them, just like whatever occurs in Star Wars: The Last Jedi.
“This is the first time we’ve ever gone into a Star Wars cold, not knowing every last thing about it. And I’ve gotta tell you, it’s amazing! Honestly, I’ve never felt more alive. This anticipation and excitement for the unknown… it’s so much more rewarding than spoilers.”
Well said, Spoilerman. Congrats on 4 years staying clean, and May The Force Be With You. Hopefully you and your loved ones are also going into The Last Jedi spoiler-free. We highly recommend it!
As always stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
