Kylo Ren Can’t Bring Himself To Murder Santa
During a covert mission to wipe out another bearded hero to millions of children, Kylo Ren was thwarted by the kindness of his own heart. After tracking Santa Claus via the Official NORAD Santa Tracker to Earth, The First Order’s heir apparent easily got the drop on jolly St. Nick and his reindeer-powered sleigh. Yet after barrel-rolling through some clouds and achieving perfect attack position behind Santa’s overflowing sack of gifts for children across the galaxy… Kylo hesitated and felt a pull to the light.
Experts speculate the sight of Santa Claus, whom Kylo hadn’t seen in almost 10 years since he began skipping holiday celebrations, may have triggered happy memories of his life as Ben Solo. We’re told the grandson of Darth Vader was very fond of Claus before breaking from Christmas tradition. According to sources close to the Solos, when puberty hit, Ben began to act out at home and in school. Despite not exactly being the nicest of Solos during this period, Santa still brought him a highly prized Darth Vader TIE Fighter along with a pair of black pajamas with his grandfather printed all over them. While we can’t be 100% sure whether or not this is the reason Kylo spared the lives of Santa Claus and his reindeer escort, whatever it was… thank you, Ben Solo.
Never let the Christmas past die. Kiss it if you must.
From all of us here at FakingStarWars, have a very merry Christmas and a wonderful holiday season.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
