As Toy Sales Plummet, Hasbo Places Bets On Holdo
Walk into the Star Wars section at any Target, Walmart or Toys R Us and the story’s the same: rows upon rows of unsold Rey, Finn and Rose action figures fighting for space with even older Jyn Ersos and Captain Zuvios that have little to no hope of selling despite heavily discounted prices. Across the board, toy sales are tanking, even for the franchise that revolutionized the industry with its licensed movie tie-ins. It’s been a dismal year for retailers as children seem uninterested in physical toys these days, preferring videogames or edutainment options over the five points of articulation offered by Finn and company.
In the case of Star Wars, industry analysts point to a lack of interesting new characters, vehicles or villains in the latest film. The addition of porgs — critters whose sole existence is to appeal to children and fans of overly cute things — didn’t make much of a difference either. To date, they have failed to move product as quickly as the similarly designed minions from the Despicable Me franchise. Unfortunately, at 150 minutes long and with its focus squarely on themes of failure and defeat, The Last Jedi is simply not as kid-friendly as it could have been.
Fans and critics can argue day and night about whether the film is any good, but the toy sales are actually the most important metric for the franchise. Star Wars movies have always been two hour commercials for the toys, so the drop in sales has Disney concerned. Couple this with the film series’ inability to make inroads at the Chinese box office, and the toy sales become even more critical.
Under immense pressure from Disney to somehow turn the tide, Hasbro has relinquished control of the brand to Galatena Sloane, a foreign-born VP known for her bold moves within the toy industry as well as her unique fashion sense. Sloane’s placing all her bets on Admiral Amilyn Holdo figures and playsets.
“She’s ultra feminine with purple hair and a halo, but has a take-no-male-prisoners attitude, which young girls, gender-curious children and millennial women will love… at the same time, Holdo has a blaster and commands a really large ship, and I think the boys will like that part of her toy line. Not that it matters, of course. Star Wars is no longer just for 12-year old boys.”
Sloane believes Holdo figures and accessories are the key to diversifying the Star Wars toy section at retailers. Her radical new strategy involves deploying Holdo shelf-talkers (“Die cis Scum!” “Weren’t you demoted, flyboy?” “Mansplain this! [blaster sound]”) throughout aisles and creating a safe space lit with purple lights to house “Amilyn’s Closet,” a section of Holdo figures and playsets along with gender-neutral makeup, fragrances and sleepwear for children of all ages.
“In order to grow market share, we need to stop approaching our toys and how we merchandise them in strictly binary terms. This includes our larger toy playsets. There is no reason a space ship cannot come bundled with a beginner’s book on astrology or a sample of purple hair dye.”
Holdo’s new sub-line of merchandise is set to land on toy shelves in February, timed to coincide with Valentine’s Day. “The goal is to subvert the notion of a male cherub piercing women’s hearts in order to blind them to how disgusting men really are… with a powerful strong woman who will destroy male supremacy with fierce fashion and her Joan of Arc-like sacrifice without having to tell you or me or anyone else why. It’s really about the victims of oppression falling in love with themselves, more than anything, especially when Mercury is in retrograde.”
It remains to be seen whether toys based on the upcoming Solo: A Star Wars Story help to right the ship, but if Hasbro has any success with its new focus on Holdo, you can bet your Black Series collection that the second wave of Solo figures will focus on its strong heroines.
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-William “Willybobo” Bobo
