JJ Abrams Says Episode IX Will Crush Jumanji Like A Bug
Sony chief Tom Rothman recently told The Wall Street Journal he’s determined to stage a rematch between Jumanji and Star Wars in December 2019, but director J.J. Abrams is talking some smack of his own. “The Rock may have gotten some licks in on Rian Johnson, and that was unfortunate. However, next year, he’s going to have to pick on someone his own size. And let me tell you, I’m going to crush Jumanji like a bug.”
Abrams believes Rothman and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will be incapable of stopping his ninth entry in the Star Wars saga. “Need I remind you, this is the last entry in the venerable 9-film series. The end of the epic Skywalker storyline, and I promise you, it will also mark the end of the Jumanji Cinematic Universe.”
Big words from Abrams, especially when you consider how round one of the Star Wars/Jumanji showdown played out. Not only did the superfun family-friendly, action-adventure comedy top The Last Jedi after a few weeks, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle essentially stole any momentum the Rian Johnson film managed to create. While The Last Jedi was battered by negative word-of-mouth and a controversial backlash from old school Star Wars purists, Jumanji capitalized on positive buzz to become one of the holiday season’s biggest hits.
“Even The Rock, Jack Black, Kevin Hart and Karen Gillan have never faced such a test. My Knights of Ren are the real deal. Sony is going to regret this even more than the Amy Pascal leaks. There’s only one King of Rebootquels, and I’m coming for my crown.”
This box office feud may be just what Star Wars needs to put it back in the good graces of all fans, as it’s undoubtedly put some fire back into Abrams. Let’s just hope it leads to something epic and fun onscreen come December 2019. Sony, you’ve been warned!
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-William “Willybobo” Bobo