Fake NewsPrequel Trilogy

Padme Breaks the Heart of Israel, Anakin To Redeem Her

Israeli-American actor-director multi-hyphenate Natalie Portman just landed herself on Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s Sith list. The actor, best known for playing Padme Amidala in the Star Wars prequel films, declined an invitation to accept Israel’s prestigious Genesis Prize because she did not want to appear alongside Netanyahu.

[For context: the Genesis Prize is awarded each year to a Jewish person whose professional achievements and personal commitment to Jewish values serve to inspire the next generation of Jews. This year’s winner is set to receive a $2 million prize for charity.]

Portman’s decision — based on what she dubbed “distressing events” in the country — immediately drew criticism from top ranking Israeli leaders with some claiming she was an anti-semite, while others putting a more intergalactic spin on things.

Portman before her turn to the Dark Side

Gilad Erdan, Israel’s internal security and strategic affairs minister, sent Portman a letter with the following statement: “Anakin Skywalker, a character you know well from Star Wars, underwent a similar process. He began to believe that the Jedi Knights were evil, and that the forces of the Dark Side were the protectors of democracy, “Erdan wrote. “I call upon you not to let the Dark Side win.”

Hayden Christensen may be the Chosen One yet again, stepping in to accept the Israeli Genesis Award and become the first gentile Jedi to receive the honor

In a bizarre twist to the matter, event coordinators are looking to salvage the proceedings by presenting Portman’s co-star in the prequel films with the Genesis Award instead.

“Hayden Christensen may not be Jewish, and his surname may have Christ in it… but we’re willing to overlook these things and focus on the fact that he is still an inspirational goy to many Jews around the world. I think this would also send a very powerful message to Natalie that redemption is certainly a possibility even for the darkest among us,” said another senior Israeli minister.

No word on whether or not Christensen will fill Portman’s shoes as of yet.

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-William “Willybobo” Bobo

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Willybobo

Hailing from the fictional planet of Yarvin IV, which is populated by bumblebee people, is Willybobo. As the Editor-in-chief of FSW, he strives to make the Star Wars fan community a better place for nerds and geeks everywhere. Willybobo was a very active member of the Cantina Star Wars fan forum so you may recognize him from there. He lives with an urn carrying the ashes of his former master, and spends all day asking the mighty Sheev for advice.

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