Top 10 Things On Lando’s To-Do List For Episode IX
After two Star Wars sequels under their belts, Disney has finally tapped Billy Dee Williams to reprise his role as Lando Calrissian in Episode IX. That’s right — the smoothest man in the galaxy is donning the cape again for the the saga’s finale. But what will he do now that his pals Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are no longer among the living? Console Leia? Play uncle to Kylo? Die unceremoniously? Quit guessing, because our source has scored valuable intel detailing the Top 10 Things On Lando’s To-Do List For Episode IX.
If you can’t see the image, here’s the plain text version:
- 10. Use time travel to make love to young Han
- 9. Braid Finn’s hair before making love to him
- 8. Spank Kylo until he cries “Uncle!” then make love to him
- 7. Upgrade Lobot’s firmware before making quiet love to him
- 6. Hug Rey and ignore Chewie while making love to her
- 5. Roll in the hay with BB-8 before making love to her
- 4. Sew force tree seeds with Poe Dameron while making love to him
- 3. Teach Rose Tico how to save things she loves by making love to her
- 2. Be the meat in a Leia-Falcon sandwich while making love to them
- 1. Destroy the First Order’s new superweapon by making explosive love to it
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