Putin Denies Russian Bots Trolled Star Wars, Blames Separatists, Rebels
“Don’t believe what you read online, comrades,” said Russian President Vladimir Putin, who vehemently denies claims that he ordered bots to manipulate online discussion around Star Wars. The charismatic leader held an impromptu press conference in snowy Moscow to refute the claims made by left-leaning media and Lucasfilm apologists.
“Fake news… like my buddy Donny always says… do not trust your American medias,” added Putin as he addressed reporters from atop a rare falthier space horse.
According to Putin, who was looking extra “swole” in tight black jeans and nothing more than a smile, the Russian bot story is propaganda created by Ukraine separatists working with Chechen rebels.
“They want to discredit Mother Russia to all Star Wars nerds in America. But it makes no sense. Anyone who knows me knows I’m more of a James Bond fan… if I had a ruple for every time my bots did something, I would be President of Mars! [laughs]. But in seriousness, I fully admit to using bots to troll online discussion around Bond 25. It’s my idea to finally kill Bond and I want to play the villain who pulls it off! But this Star Wars…. [laughs]… I don’t need bots to tell people it’s terrible. Kylo Ren-ski is only good thing.”
Putin ended the press conference by launching several missile strikes indiscriminately into the sky to create “Star Wars fireworks” and a dramatic red sky, against which he posed for photos.
We’re told Lucasfilm is scrambling to find another scapegoat to deflect any criticism leveled at The Last Jedi or Solo: A Star Wars Story.
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