EXCLUSIVE: Alden Ehrenreich Frozen In Carbonite
FSW has unearthed the cold, hard truth behind the fate of Alden Ehrenreich, the star of Solo: A Star Wars Story. In case you’ve forgotten, the 29-year old actor has been conspicuously absent from the public eye since the spinoff film failed to meet box office expectations. A look at Ehrenreich’s IMDB listing also shows zero upcoming credits… a bit odd considering how promising his future looked just a few months ago.
Fortunately, nothing gets by the FSW investigative team. So, we immediately went digging, leaving no stone unturned, and what we found will give you chills.
According to our spies, once Solo failed to light up the global box office, Ehrenreich and his Solo castmates were given an ultimatum by Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy.
“She told them they were box office poison, and demanded they keep a low profile until after Episode IX comes out. Obviously, this didn’t sit well with anyone, especially Donald Glover and Emilia Clarke. That’s when Alden stepped in. He suggested rather than all of them disappearing, what if one of them made the ultimate sacrifice instead,” said an anonymous FSW informant.
Ehrenreich’s gambit worked. Kennedy agreed to let the cast continue to book jobs and promote their future projects in exchange for one of them being frozen in carbonite indefinitely. Once the terms of the deal were set, the cast rolled Han Solo’s lucky dice to determine who would undergo the carbon-freezing procedure.
“Alden and Donald were tied for lowest, so they had to roll again in a tie breaker round. And wouldn’t you know it, Donald rolls two golden triangles – the highest possible roll. Poor Alden.”
We’re told Kennedy scheduled the carbonite procedure for the very next day as time was of the essence – the general public needed to forget Solo was a thing immediately.
Ehrenreich and company spent their last night together saying goodbyes. Many of them were overheard promising to meet up at a rendezvous point “maybe a year into Disney+ programming.”
Come the morning, however, there was a new hope. Steven Spielberg, the man who had discovered Ehrenreich, called Kennedy asking for a “stay of carbonitization” — 48 hours to give the legendary director time to find a more creative solution to disappearing Ehrenreich. Sadly, Kennedy would not budge for her longtime friend and collaborator.
“This was about preserving her legacy. One more bomb like Solo would get her fired… and she’s not about to fall on her face just shy of the finish line that IX represents.”
At least “carbonite Ehrenreich” finds himself in good company. According to our sources, he’s hanging with cryogenically frozen Walt Disney, Amelia Earhart, and Jimmy Hoffa within a heavily guarded underground bunker in the Hollywood Hills.
“People gave the kid slack for not looking like Harrison Ford. But I gotta tell you, now in the carbonite, the resemblance is un-friggin-canny.”
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