Brie Larson Allergic To Fake Star Wars Fans
LOS ANGELES — Oscar winner Brie Larson may be impervious to fungal infections and the venom of online trolls, but she’s no match for the power of paid-for Star Wars fans.
According to eyewitnesses, during the Captain Marvel world premiere, Larson fell unconscious after a throng of hired performers approached her for autographs outside the El Capitan Theater. The group of diverse actors — each clad in Star Wars gear from head to toe — stayed on script and pushed various pieces of Captain Marvel memorabilia in Larson’s face.
Almost immediately, the performer broke out into cold sweats, with a splotchy rash appearing on her chest and neck areas. Overcome with hives, Larson fainted into the arms of a “fan” wearing a porg beanie hat, which only made her reaction worse.
Unsure of the situation, theater security tackled the women and children nearest to Larson. Once Disney PR handlers cleared things up, Larson was taken to a nearby MinuteClinic for precautionary measures.
Fortunately, FSW spies managed to get a copy of her diagnosis. As it turns out, Larson suffered an allergic reaction caused by the sight, smell, and general awareness of Disney shills in Star Wars clothing.
“Brie hates Star Wars fans, but there’s something about fake ones that causes her body to shut down and begin to destroy itself,” said Larson’s feline co-star Goose through a translator.
We’re happy to report Larson made a full recovery, and made it back in time to pose for pictures with media pass-carrying, blonde white girls dressed as Captain Marvel.
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