Fake NewsSequel TrilogyThe Rise of Skywalker

Lucasfilm: The Force Is Now “Girl Power”

Lucasfilm: The Force Is Now "Girl Power"

Disney and Lucasfilm plan to change the term “the Force” to “Girl Power” according to a recent conference call led by Kathleen Kennedy. The drastic change comes hot on the heels of the main character in their Star Wars sequel trilogy —Daisy Ridley’s Rey — becoming the most powerful Jedi of all time.

“It’s a wonderful time to celebrate being a powerful female in the Star Wars universe, or any universe for that matter,” Kennedy said to a room full of head-scratching shareholders. “So from now on whenever we refer to the Force, we’re going to call it ‘Girl Power’!”

Daisy Jazz Isobel Ridley will now be known as Jedi Spice.

Kennedy announced the rollout of this new terminology would coincide with the Spice Girls’ UK tour this summer. In a genius bit of marketing synergy, Daisy Ridley — in full Jedi Master Rey outfit —  will tour and perform with the group. Together, the all-star band will debut a song titled “The Force is Female” to really hammer the point home.

“Not only are we pushing this new phase in Star Wars during their concerts, we have cast the Spice Girls as members of the new Jedi Council. So young girls can see Scary, Baby, Ginger, and Sporty Spice in positions of power and feel that they, too, can hold positions of power.”

– Kathleen Kennedy, an actual woman in a position of power

This re-defining of “the Force” won’t just affect Episode IX and the following films, however. Special editions of all previous movies are planned, and all mentions of “the Force” will be changed to “Girl Power.” So instead of Obi-Wan saying, “Use the Force, Luke,” while Luke is piloting his X-Wing, Obi-Wan will say “Use Girl Power, Luke.” Even the title of Episode VII will be changed from “The Force Awakens” to “Girl Power Awakens”.

Emma Bunton, Geri Halliwell, Kathleen Kennedy, Victoria Beckham, and Melanie Brown.

To avoid any potential backlash over the move, Lucasfilm organized focus groups to gauge how men feel about the Death Star-sized change to Star Wars lore. The findings were less than stellar.

According to one Lucasfilm employee, “It was brutal. As soon as they heard about “Girl Power” the room quickly turned into The Happening. You know the movie where everyone offs themselves because the plants tell them to? Well, instead of plants it was just Star Wars stuff like Forces of Destiny dolls causing grown men to shove metal into electrical outlets, and light themselves on fire just to escape the change.”

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Johnny Laserbrain

An infrequent contributor to Faking Star Wars but hopes to become a semi-frequent contributor someday. He is a lover of Star Wars who has decided to join the wild west that is Star Wars online fandom, and so far he’s getting more than he bargained for. Laserbrain has insider knowledge of Star Wars and loves to share it with the public. He is currently single but is trying to win back his ex-wife, Linda.

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