Earth Imposes Weight Limit On Star Wars Celebration, Eliminates Long Lines
As a result of the terrestrial outrage, Lucasfilm has done away with the infamously long lines for Star Wars Celebration, their semi-annual convention for the franchise’s biggest fans to congregate and cheer at appropriate times during panels featuring some of the creators and actors from the films.
“Oh hell nah, not again. I’m not bearing that load for a full weekend again.”
-The third rock from the sun early Friday morning.
In years past, fans would have to camp out overnight in hopes of securing a seat to the more in-demand panel discussions.
“Don’t remind me. My core is still hurting. And for the love of Mars, no more free donuts and pizza.”
– Added the Earth.
Of course, not all of Star Wars fandom has taken the news well.
“Fat shaming? By the friggin’ planet? Maybe the Earth hasn’t looked in a mirror lately. Terra-forming other planets can’t happen soon enough. Ugh. It’s not like we all stand on line and jump up and down to cause tremors. What a snowflake.”
– Celebration veteran Terry Gross from the comfort of his motorized wheelchair.
Fans of all sizes will be happy to learn Lucasfilm will be adapting a new system to replace the marathon line-waiting battle of attrition everyone but the Earth has grown to love.
Acoording to StarWars.com:
Fans will be able to use LIGHTSPEED Virtual Panel Reservations to reserve admission for themselves and any additional tickets they purchased on their original order for panels all weekend long at Star Wars Celebration Chicago. This new panel reservation process will include an advance lottery for all morning panels on the Celebration Stage at the Wintrust Arena as well as the Galaxy and Twin Suns stages which will be streaming the morning panels live from the Celebration Stage. Fans will also have the ability to make advance panel reservations for panels on the Galaxy and Twin Suns Stages. This will provide the opportunity for more fans to enjoy some of our most exciting panels which would have previously required overnight camping and wristbands.
Even with the new LIGHTSPEED Virtual Panel Reservations system in place, Lucasfilm advises all fans over 200 lbs. wear sensible shoes and dress light.
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