Attractive People Boycott Disney Star Wars For Lack Of Representation
Things are about to get ugly for Disney Star Wars as a consortium of America’s leading talent agencies have joined forces with Chinese President Xi Jinping to boycott the films. According to the group, Lucasfilm is not living up to Kathleen Kennedy’s mission to make Star Wars more inclusive.
Jinping acknowledges (through a translator) that many strides have been made to add diversity to the new films, with more people of color and a few gingers in the mix now, however, they’re all homogenous in terms of physical attractiveness.
“They’re all 6s on a good day. Where are the 7s or 8s? What happened to the perfect 10s? Do we not exist anymore? These films will never do well in my country if they continue to ignore the beautiful people among us. Star Wars is not the sole property of average to below average looking people. The prequels understood this! Need I remind you that every film is a work of fiction. It is escapism, and forget equal representation, who in their right minds wants to escape to a world of mediocre looking people? For that, I can take a packed subway in Beijing during rush hour” said Jinping.
The Chinese president’s stance is shared by the heads of Elite, Ford, IMG, and DNA modeling agencies who are equally outraged over the lack of attractive people throughout the Star Wars universe.
“The lack of facial symmetry is appalling… God bless their makeup department, but prettier people could save Disney tens of millions alone in hair, makeup, and whatever de-aging they use to get some of these people halfway decent looking,” said former model turned modeling executive Thad Breckemberg. “Would it kill them to cast someone who could actually smize? Smiling with the eyes can take a 6 and bump her up to a solid 7… during golden hour lighting, of course.”
To spread the word in hope of effecting change, Jinping and the modeling agencies have launched a global campaign focused on the hashtags #SWRepresentationMatters and #StarWarsSoUgly.
“Starting today, we’re boycotting the ugly practice of marginalizing beautiful people within Star Wars. Until they cast better looking people – and I don’t care what color or how big or small — we’ll be creating our own version of space opera albeit in much more snackable form. Our talent is going to begin using Instagram filters inspired by Star Wars, so their selfies and Insta stories can provide followers with a vision of a better future, where genuine diversity and optimal beauty is celebrated. If that fails to get the Mouse to notice, we may delete our social media accounts entirely and accuse Disney of beauty shaming,” said Galila Hadid, owner of THOT Patrol Influencers.
As of this writing, Disney has yet to react to #StarWarsSoUgly but we’re told average looking people are not taking the movement seriously, while ugly people are not so much insulted as they are confused.
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