Kevin Smith To Receive Daughter’s Tear Ducts In Preparation For Episode IX
LOS ANGELES, CA — Citing an escalation in the nerd crying game, director Kevin Smith will be the recipient of his daughter’s tear ducts in a revolutionary and completely unnecessary surgical procedure.
“People know me for three things — hockey jerseys, stoner comedies, and crying my eyes out for anything Star Wars related. But moving forward I’m going to focus on the one that requires talent, and lets me spend more time with Harley Quinn. It’s time to show the Eric Buttses of the world how to really let the tears flow for Episode IX.”
-Kevin Smith
The 8-hour procedure will require Smith’s 19-year old daughter to relinquish her nubile tear ducts, essentially sacrificing her ability to create tears.
“It’s cool. He can cry for both of us. And let’s be real, my makeup game is going to be on point for life. Hashtag blessed! The Rise Of Skywalker red carpet is gonna be lit.”
-Harley Quinn Smith
The Smiths are set to go under the knife sometime next week. No reactions yet from the reaction video community.
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