Episode IX: The Leak of Skywalker!
A new leak surrounding the plot of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker has been received at Faking HQ!! Read on for details regarding the story arcs of both Kylo Ren and Rey! If you do not want to be spoiled, turn back now!!
This leak comes to us from a source called “Jasper”. Is Jasper his, or her, real name? We will never know. Prepare for spoilers ahead!
SPOILERS!!
SPOILERS!!
SPOILERS!!
Kylo Ren is in trouble! He’s pissed off the Knights of Ren who want to anoint a new leader, a former student of Snoke. He hears Rey is after a weapon she swears will beat him once and for all. The Resistance is dead. Kylo’s advisers try to convince him Rey is bluffing and even if she raised a Death Star she’d be no threat to him or his reign.
He visits a dark side oracle who tells him otherwise, that he will maintain his rule but that Rey will ultimately erase everything he’s done from history. He doesn’t like that and begins hunting her.
The First Order strengthens their grip of the galaxy in Kylo Ren’s absence and officially wipe out the Resistance after a final stand by Leia and crew, but Rey is nowhere to be found. Rey, Poe, Finn, Threepio, Artoo, BB-8 and the gang are in fact on a mission, where Rey promises she can provide them with something to beat Kylo forever.
Kylo catches up with them but is being hunted himself by the Knights and their new leader played by Matt Smith. Rey and Kylo fight, then Kylo fights his would be replacement. This dynamic continues across the film until Rey finally achieves her goal. Kylo has been guided by the spirit of Palpatine through Darth Vader’s old mask but decides for himself his destiny is to rule, that no one is manipulating him and he has come too far to turn back.
Rey tries one more time to bring him back to the light after he slaughters the Knights of Ren. He refuses, and she can not defeat him in a duel. Rey raises a massive antenna from the ocean on Endor and the wreckage of the Death Star and Threepio’s memories are broadcast forever. Kylo orders his fleet to obliterate the antenna.
Rey gives herself up and becomes a “shield” for the antenna after telling Kylo even in his rule everything he does will be undone because what she’s done. Movie ends with Luke’s voice telling people to take a stand against evil, and Poe says his message will still be heard, “a long time from now in galaxies far far away.”
The Fake-O-Meter™ can’t wait to analyze this leak! Tune into the next episode of the FSW Radio podcast for Storm Duper and crew to discuss it.
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