Thief Complains Galaxy’s Edge Prison Too Real
ANAHEIM, CA — There’s a unique attraction at Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge that very few people know about, because the only way to experience it is to break the law. Believe it or not, the 14-acre Disneyland theme park boasts a very realistic underground prison, complete with holding cells and its own court system.
Detention Block AA-23 lies deep within the bowels of Black Spire Outpost and serves as a holding cell for scum and villainy that are caught breaking park rules.
Jeffrey P (whose name has been changed to protect his identity) claims to have spent 48 hours inside Detention Block AA-23 after stealing a spork from Docking Bay 7 and a pair of coasters from Oga’s Cantina.
“It was fun at first. Loved the call back to the original Star Wars. But then the stormtroopers took my phone and wallet from me, patted me down under my shirt, legs and private areas, and threw me in a cell. After a few hours, the IT-O interrogation droid started tazing the s*** outta me. That’s when I knew this was no regular ride.”
According to Jeffrey, he was drugged and tortured by the droid for at least two hours, although his memory is hazy. He does remember waking up in the middle of the night to the screams of other prisoners.
“At one point in the cell next to mine, I heard Kylo Ren asking a woman to tell him about the map to the Resistance that she stole. Suddenly, sparks were flying everywhere. I thought the walls of my cell were going to disintegrate.”
The next day, Jeffrey stood trial before a Grand Moff, who reviewed footage from the interrogation droid and quickly found the Star Wars fan guilty of petit larceny and criminal possession of stolen property in the fifth degree. As punishment for his crimes, Jeffrey was forced to sign multiple documents written entirely in Aurebesh, then pay $100 in order to be released.
While the experience was harrowing for Jeffrey, there was one upside to the ordeal. “Once you do the time and pay the fine, they give you this awesome color-coded placard to hang around your neck with your crime listed. Pretty sure I can flip it on ebay and score at least $500,” said Jeffrey.
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