501st Legion Prepare To Storm Area 51
Roswell, New Mexico — A Facebook event designed to uncover the truth behind a popular alien conspiracy has drawn the attention of Vader’s Finest. The elite 501st Legion of Star Wars cosplayers will be among the million people seeking answers in the desert on September 20th, 2019. The organization will be sending nearly 300 humanoid members from three garrisons to the infamous Area 51 in hopes of an alien encounter.
“When we heard the organizers only plan of attack was a Naruto run, we knew we had to mobilize. The 501st cannot stand by while aliens take advantage of anime and manga nerds. Kotaku are humans, too, and it is our duty to protect them from alien scum,” said a spokesperson for the 501st Legion.
We’re told at least one Emperor, two Darth Vaders, a trio of Boba Fetts, and hundreds of stormtroopers in various incarnations will be making the trek out to the Amargosa Valley on September 20. There are also rumors the raid may include the first appearance of Sith Trooper cosplayers from the neighboring Alpine and Dune Sea Garrisons.
According to the 501st, conspiracy theorists headed to the area will be granted full protection, both from the aliens and the elements. “We’re going to have plenty of sunscreen, water, and portable shades on hand for the nerds,” said the spokesperson.
Hydration will certainly be key, since the Area 51 base is located 242 km from Las Vegas along a large stretch of uncompromising desert. The base is believed to house the remains of crashed UFO spacecrafts, despite no concrete evidence having ever been discovered.
Still, the 501st Legion believe the event will be a great opportunity to represent Star Wars fandom at an otherworldy surreal event. It will also mark the first time Vader’s Finest refuse any and all requests for photographs during their appearance. Not because of a policy change, but due to the Army signs prohibiting photographs being taken in the area.
“The Empire respects Uncle Sam’s privacy, especially when they’re authorized to use deadly force if anyone so much as takes one selfie with a little green man.”
So leave the cameras at home, boys and girls. Just bring your Naruto-running legs, tinfoil hats, and well-stocked bug-out bags. See you in the desert!
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