Bob Iger Announces Force Ghost Town Attraction At Galaxy’s Edge
BURBANK, CA — Disney CEO Bob Iger is about to work his magic once again. The Mouse House’s top executive announced a plan to turn lighter-than-expected crowds at Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge into an all-new immersive experience.
Force Ghost Town will combine the theatrics of Blue Man Group with flash-mob-free flash mob dynamics to simulate the sensation of being in the Jedi afterlife. Park visitors will receive exclusive blue face paint and Jedi handbooks filled with life hacks and crowdsourced jokes. As Force ghosts, visitors will be able to wave at non-Force Ghosts and tumbleweeds and provide them each with advice on a wide range of topics.
“This is how we turn a negative into a positive and inject some life back into the park… via a once-in-an-after-lifetime experience,” said Iger during Disney’s Q3 FY19 Earnings Results Webcast. It was the one bit of good news during the three-hour session, wherein Iger explained the various factors behind the underperforming Star Wars-themed expansion to Disneyland.
“First of all, there was tremendous concern in the marketplace that there was going to be huge crowding when we opened Galaxy’s Edge. So some people stayed away, just because they expected that I would personally be there with Kathleen Kennedy, and that it would somehow not be a great guest experience. Hotels in the area also raised their prices to unheard of levels reserved only for our own in-park accommodations. So it simply got more expensive to come stay in Anaheim. In addition to that, we raised our own prices, because the cost of living went up and we’re preparing to take a bath during the early days of Disney+. Then that video of a family brawl right here in the park went viral… not exactly helping our cause.”
Disneyland isn’t the only park in crisis mode. The entire theme park industry is in a major slump this summer; Universal Studios and SeaWorld have also reported record-low crowds.
However, shareholders were impressed with Iger’s plan to make the veritable “ghost town” an essential part of the narrative for the new experience. Even more impressive, Force Ghost Town could go live as soon as next week, months ahead of their next marquee experience, Rise of the Resistance, now set to open in December/January.
“Force Ghost Town is an interactive way for people to become their favorite dead Star Wars characters, and impart wisdom to the living. And since we’ve redefined what you can do as a Force ghost with the sequel trilogy, any one of our blue-faced specters can still interact with the real-world and purchase as many Star Wars-inspired meals and collectibles as they like.”
Iger is confident Force Ghost Town and Rise of the Resistance will provide a one-two punch that should boost attendance significantly.
“Look, we build these things for the long term, so we feel great about the product we’ve created, it just takes some time to, basically for us, to work themselves out in terms of how the marketplace is reacting. And right now, Force ghosts are going to inject a bit more life into the parks until Rise of the Resistance arrives.”
As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our Newsletter and Podcasts for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.
—William “Willybobo” Bobo
