Fake News

Florida Man Hospitalized After Green Milk Drinking Contest

Florida Man Hospitalized After Green-Milk Drinking Contest

MOS EISLEY, TATOOINE – After consuming a record-breaking 42 glasses of green milk, Matthew Davies was rushed to the hospital. According to reports, the 38-year-old was allergic to an ingredient in the milk.


Bartender Wuher O’Grady’s green milk concoction was confirmed by investigators to contain small amounts of deku nut. The Florida native was extremely allergic to deku nuts which nearly lead to suffocation. Davies’ family claim they had no idea Matthew was allergic to deku nor had they ever heard of it.

Charges against O’Grady and the establishment were not pursued, however, Cantina owner Steve Chalmun set up a collection for donations towards Davies’ hospital bills.

“We’re very sorry for sending one of our patrons to the emergency room. We pray the Force helps him recover quickly so he can return to the Cantina and give us more of his money.”

-Steve Chalmun, owner of Chalmun’s Cantina

Davies is currently an inpatient at Anchorhead General Hospital and is expected to make a full recovery. The award for winning the competition was ironically a life-time supply of green milk. We doubt Davies will redeem his prize.


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Link Voximilian

The artist known as Link Voximilian leads the parody department of FSW as the Head of Creative Content. He is an avid fan of Star Wars, Marvel, and Nintendo, a skilled musician, and an aspiring sci-fi/fantasy author. Aside from writing for the site, Link also dabbles in graphic design using MS Paint to create low-effort t-shirt designs. He currently resides in a double-wide, in the middle of nowhere on Corellia, building Lego sculptures, repairing guitars, and collecting way too many dark helmets and masks.

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