Undercover Space Force Officers To Be At Episode IX Screenings
Anticipating inevitable meltdowns, Disney has struck a deal with President Donald J. Trump for his new Space Force to provide security at select screenings of The Rise of Skywalker. Earlier this week, Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy told reporters that the newly formed sixth military branch will be visibly stationed at high-profile theaters showing the J.J. Abrams-directed film.
“This is the end of an era, the culmination of all my hard work, and I want to ensure my legacy is secure, first and foremost. At the same time, however, I’d like to guarantee the safety of ticket buyers in their seats, as well as on the streets. If something happens at one of the screenings, Space Force will be on hand to pacify the situation quickly and conclusively,” said Kennedy.
While Episode IX will certainly be divisive, there’s currently no reason to fear for your safety at the moment.
“Beyond a few hashtag campaigns, there are no specific or credible threats at this time, but we’re closely monitoring several angry nerds,” a Space Force spokesperson told FSW in an official statement today. “Any additional personnel will be deployed as needed. Members of the public are encouraged to help Space Force in the shared responsibility of public safety at movies that take place in space. If you see something unusually alien, say something.”
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