Ruth Bader Ginsberg Dons Darth Vader Life Support Suit
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the eleven weeks since Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg revealed she had endured another cancer ordeal, she has made multiple public appearances, animated and “very much alive,” but advocates with a stake in another Supreme Court confirmation battle cannot help but be on edge.
“If the 86-year-old, four-time cancer survivor were to leave the bench at any point during the rest of a Trump presidency, it would set in motion a succession fight like no other. President Donald Trump would be securing more than a third lifetime appointment to the high court. He would be replacing an unerring liberal, a women’s rights icon, with a conservative.”
–CNN contributor Alvin Smith
Liberals, meanwhile, are desperately compiling their own list of recommendations for the high court, hoping that the next vacancy does not occur until a new president is elected in November 2020, and that the winner is a Democrat. On a second front, scientists and medical professionals have been working on their own solution to the problem, which is, simply to keep the “Notorious RBG” alive.
To that end, hyper-sophisticated medical droids at the Emperor Palpatine Surgical Reconstruction Center has developed a cybernetic suit for Ginsberg that would step in a function for any failing organs allowing for Ginsberg to have a nearly indefinite life-span. Heralded as “Darth Vader-like,” the suit would allow Ginsberg to remain active and mobile for many years to come on and off the bench. Social media reports of the suit are already dubbing it the “Ruth Vader Ginsberg.”
“It’s a necessity to get up and go. It’s stimulating, and somehow all these appearances that I’ve had since the end of August, whatever my temporary disability is, it stops and I’m okay for the time of the event. And if I need the suit, I’ll wear it. There is nothing that can stop me. Absolutely nothing.”
–Judge Ruth Bader Ginsberg
Since the Supreme Court revealed on August 23 that a malignant tumor on her pancreas had been detected and treated, Ginsburg has already been fitted for the Vader-like suit and has worn it in public to test it out at least twice. A White House spokesman said this week that the administration felt the suit was “cheating death,” and would work on legislation to prevent its use, unless a similar suit could be fitted for President Trump.
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