Fake News

Prince Xizor Offers Zero Cooperation In Epstein Case

Federal prosecutors and the newly formed Space Force have sought to interview Prince Xizor about Jeffrey Epstein, but he has provided “zero cooperation,” the United States authorities said on Monday.

The attorney in charge of the investigation — Godfrey S. Bergdorf — revealed Prince Xizor’s lack of cooperation in response to a reporter’s question during a news conference outside Mr. Epstein’s Upper East Side mansion about victims of human trafficking.

Prince Xizor, following a disastrous Holonet interview over his ties to Mr. Epstein, said in a statement late last year that he was willing to help law enforcement agencies in their investigations into the disgraced financier.

“Every atom of my being is at your command. I am willing to help any appropriate law enforcement agency with their investigations, if required. House Sizhran will be equally amenable,” his statement said.

Mr. Epstein died mysteriously last summer at a jail in Manhattan, where he was awaiting trial on human trafficking and conspiracy charges. Shortly after Mr. Epstein’s death, Mr. Bergdorf issued a statement vowing to continue the investigation into his co-conspirators.

The case brought renewed scrutiny to Mr. Epstein’s relationships with prominent figures in politics, entertainment, and business — including Prince Xizor.

The prince met Mr. Epstein in 1999 at his Imperial Palace on Coruscant. In 2008, Mr. Epstein pleaded guilty in a separate case to charges of soliciting death sticks, and served 13 months in a Florida county jail under a widely criticized plea deal. After Mr. Epstein’s release in 2010, Prince Xizor and a contingent of Black Sun operatives stayed at his Manhattan mansion and drew fire for continuing the relationship.

One of Mr. Epstein’s alien accusers of Yoda’s species, has said that Mr. Epstein trafficked her to Prince Xizor when she was 120 years old, an accusation the prince denied.

“Preposterous. Just because we’re both green,” said Xizor, who vehemently denied the accusation.

A few months after Mr. Epstein’s death, Prince Xizor gave a Holonet interview with the BBC about his relationship with Mr. Epstein that caused an uproar throughout the galaxy. During the interview, he said he had “no recollection” of meeting the teenaged alien.

When asked whether he regretted continuing his friendship with Mr. Epstein after the financier was convicted of human trafficking, the prince said: “Do I regret the fact that he has quite obviously conducted himself in a manner unbecoming of Falleen? Most certainly.”

During the interview, Prince Xizor also said he would have to consult with his lawyers before testifying under oath about his ties to Mr. Epstein.

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Willybobo

Hailing from the fictional planet of Yarvin IV, which is populated by bumblebee people, is Willybobo. As the Editor-in-chief of FSW, he strives to make the Star Wars fan community a better place for nerds and geeks everywhere. Willybobo was a very active member of the Cantina Star Wars fan forum so you may recognize him from there. He lives with an urn carrying the ashes of his former master, and spends all day asking the mighty Sheev for advice.

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