Sebulba: Podracer Pilot Creates OnlyFans Account to End Financial Crisis
Dug podracer pilot Subulba has received a significant pay raise after becoming a full-time streamer on the lucrative adult web site OnlyFans. The Dug was a former slave who bought his freedom with incredible skills of piloting a high-speed podracer. Back in 32 BBY, Subulba was the obvious favorite to win the Boonta Eve Classic, to the point that his sponsor put his entire life’s savings on a bet that Subulba would win big, but we know that was not the case. The Dug fell from grace after his defeat at the hands of a local boy flying a trash can assembled from a do-it-yourself kit. Since then Subulba has fought hard to earn ends meet racing but now is living again in glory.
From The Tatooine Telegraph:
Sebulba revealed he walked away from podracing without earning a single credit for years, and after working in a junk shop he decided to cash in on his good looks (for a Dug) by joining adult subscription website onlyfans.com. Now 50, Sebulba is making bank as an adult entertainer, selling photographs and videos for 13 credits a month.
The Telegraph says Sebulba has already amassed over 70,000 subscribers across the galaxy. This means he’s earning 906,500 credits every month, or 10,878,000 credits per year, if his subscribers remain loyal.
“It has been the best thing I have done in my whole life,” Subulba told an FSW translator droid. “It has put me in a financial position I could never have dreamt of and I really enjoy it. I am fine with whatever they want to call me. I am earning good money and I am comfortable with where I am at. Who knew an occasional leg flash was worth so much!”
The Galactic Podracing Circuit released a brief statement on Sebulba’s career change, saying he’ll no longer be driving in their series.
“GPC is aware of the article regarding former podracer pilot Sebulba,” a representative said in a statement. “As Mr. Sebulba is no longer competing in podracing, Galactic Podracing Circuit will not be commenting further.”
Sebulba explained why he eventually quit racing after 21 years.
“I wasn’t getting the results and couldn’t get the funding,” he said, via translator droid. “I tried to do my best but it got to a point where my dream vanished.”
As for people who may criticize his choice to start an OnlyFans account, Sebulba told the Tatooine Telegraph he’s not worried about their thought because he’s doing what makes him happy, and earning a living doing it.
“It’s crazy that people think I can’t do this now, because of what I used to do,” Sebulba said. “I’m sorry to some people I’m probably not the person now that they once thought I was but maclunkey them. I’m not this horny thing, I’m not a sex worker, I’m not a male escort. I’m here to make galactic credits. I’m gonna milk it like a Thalia-siren as long as I can.”
Since speaking to him, Sebulba was spotted by porg watchers on Ahch-To taking nude photos with Thalia-sirens. He evidently is… milking it.
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