Palpatine: Defunding Death Star 3 Will Lead To Slower, More Painful Deaths
Early this morning, the newly resurrected leader of The Final Order criticized the grassroots movement to defund his planet-killing weapon. Emperor Palpatine believes The Resistance is behind the #DefundTheDeathStar campaign, which has quickly spread throughout the Inner, Quarter, Mid, Three Quarter, and Outer Rims of the galaxy. According to His Supremacy, the opposition means well, but hasn’t fully thought through the alternatives to a battle station capable of instantly obliterating a planet.
“Without a Death Star 3, I’d be forced to clone more staff, which is terrible for the environment, mind you. But worst of all, my legions would simply create smaller weapons of mass destruction. Entire fleets of Star Destroyers with mini-Death Star lasers. And all manner of elite new stormtroopers that can fly higher and carry heavier blasters. Now I ask you, would you rather I destroy a planet piece by piece over a weeks-long siege, or simply wipe the world off the map in seconds? If the Resistance has any heart, they’ll do the humanitarian thing and cancel their foolhardy social media blatherings.”
We reached out to The Resistance for a comment but were immediately blocked and threatened with a #DefundFakingStarWars campaign.
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