Variety Apologizes For Article About Tweet That Reopened The Wounds Of “The Last Jedi”
Senior entertainment writer Adam B. Vary issued a tearful apology last night after realizing his Variety article did the exact same thing he was reporting on. Namely, rip open the worlds of pain and suffering left by Star Wars: The Last Jedi.
“I’m no better than Star Wars Theory. Here I am monetizing trivial drama for Variety under false pretenses. The clickbait. The lack of journalistic integrity, all of it. It’s all true,” said Vary in a highly emotional chat with a select few colleagues on Clubhouse.
The shocking revelation came an hour into the discussion as Vary denied any wrongdoing at first, claiming he was taken out of context by his keyboard. Fortunately, the former BuzzFeed News reporter embraced the truth after several other writers scoffed at his excuses for having run a story so detrimental to nerd culture.
For those unaware, Vary wrote over 1,000 words to summarize the most juvenile back-and-forth between two of the most polarizing figures in modern-day Star Wars fandom. Allow us to summarize Vary’s overly long summary:
Star Wars Theory, a popular (wait for it…) Star Wars YouTuber made a reaction video to The Mandalorian Season 2’s big surprise moment, which left him in tears. (Fake or not, who are we to judge el oh el)
Meanwhile, in another part of the smug galaxy, Lucasfilm Story Group’s Pablo Hidalgo tweets a joke in reaction to Star Wars Theory’s reaction video. Some scoundrel takes a screengrab of Hidalgo’s private tweet (wasn’t us) and shares it with Star Wars Theory, who proceeds to cry Twitter tears (talk about multi-channel brand synergy!)
Hidalgo and Disney haters then dogpile on the creative executive asking for his head, while Star Wars Theory spits out as many videos as he possibly can (eat your heart out, Mike Zeroh!) about the drama before it becomes old news. Vary must have received the same memo or it was a very slow news day at Variety as his clickbait was up a few hours later.
All of which leads to Hidalgo apologizing. Which has now led to Vary apologizing.
Rest assured, fine readers, we will not be apologizing for this story about an apology about an apology over a YouTuber hearing something out of context and crying on camera, then off camera on Twitter.
You’re welcome.
As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our Newsletter and Podcasts for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
Head to Manscaped.com to get 20% off your order and free shipping by using promo code FSWRADIO!
