Capitol Breach Draws Sharp Condemnation of Naboo Security Forces
WASHINGTON DC—Yesterday the Naboo Security Forces stationed in the nation’s Capitol were clearly outnumbered and unprepared for protesters. And droids throughout the galaxy saw a stark double standard.
An angry mob of pro-Trump humanoids stormed the Capitol as Naboo Security Forces struggled to maintain order, with many of them simply retreating in the face of chaos.
Of the nearly 200 Naboo security agents on loan from Senator Padmé Amidala, only a handful made any effort to quell the onslaught. After two hours, during which reinforcements from Capitol Police arrived, galactic order was finally restored.
Droid protesters on the left in Naboo saw a stark double standard, saying they had been hit with blaster fire, Gungan pulse bombs, and even Jedi lightsabers during the Separatist Crisis over the summer.
Clanker Joe, a B1 battle droid representative, who was arrested on Naboo on felony charges that were later dropped, was irate over the perceived double standard. “You can be arrested for walking while Droid,” he said, “but you can be humanoid and riot and basically get away with it. Roger, roger.”
Naboo Security Forces place the blame squarely on Capitol Police. “How they were not ready for this today, I have no idea. Our special forces are trained to fight communications disruptions, and droid uprisings. We killed the Wi-Fi and confiscated devices, but the humanoids, that’s on Earth’s police, not us,” said Captain Gregar Typo, Head of Naboo Security Forces.
Members of both Congress and the Galactic Senate demanded explanations as well. “Wesa must investigate the security breach at the Capitol today. Someone eesa in big doo-doo dis time,” said Representative Jar Jar Binks of Naboo via Holonet.
The Capitol Police have yet to answer our calls or emails regarding the incident as of this writing. More on this as it develops.
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