Fake NewsGalaxy's Edge

Disney Announces ‘Real’ Amputations for Galaxy’s Edge

The Skywalker monopoly on losing limbs via lightsaber is officially over. Following a virtual announcement of genuine lightsabers, Disney held a closed-door, in-person demonstration of the real amputations set to debut hand in hand with the laser swords.


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During the demonstration called “Going Out On A Limb Inside Disney Parks,” Disney Parks, Experiences and Products Chairman Bernard Watkins recreated the climactic scene from The Empire Strikes Back with an eager intern named Josh. Watkins used a real, working lightsaber to slash at Josh again and again until he knocked the young man’s blue lightsaber away. 

The VIPs in attendance suspected what was to come, but were still taken aback when the Disney executive amputated Josh’s hand clean at the wrist. Rather than shriek like Luke Skywalker though, the intern let out a whoop of joy, confusing everyone. Josh proceeded to clap with his one remaining hand, which helped block out a few of the blood curdling screams coming from the crowd.


After the guests calmed down, Watkins reassured them that fans like Josh have “been begging for the full lightsaber experience, and now we can finally provide it complete with all the elegant, romantic danger the weapon is capable of.”

Josh also confirmed the authenticity of the amputation: “it’s real…and it’s friggin’ amazing! I can’t wait to get the official prosthetic hand. Hello, employee discount!”

Attendees were not allowed to take photos or videos, so there is not a lot of information regarding the amputations or the rumored Star Wars-branded replacement limbs.

However, a few guests did tell FSW that the amputation looked identical to the ones seen in the Star Wars movies. Speculation regarding the new offering has steadily grown after fans began circulating a patent that Disney filed in 2017 for a “limb severing device with retractable, internally illuminated blade.”


Details remain scarce regarding Disney’s plans for the amputations and replacement limbs. Some believe they will be added as premiums within the lightsaber training remote experience aboard the Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser hotel expected to open later this year.

Galaxy’s Edge just keeps getting edgier.

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Willybobo

Hailing from the fictional planet of Yarvin IV, which is populated by bumblebee people, is Willybobo. As the Editor-in-chief of FSW, he strives to make the Star Wars fan community a better place for nerds and geeks everywhere. Willybobo was a very active member of the Cantina Star Wars fan forum so you may recognize him from there. He lives with an urn carrying the ashes of his former master, and spends all day asking the mighty Sheev for advice.

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