Fandom and Nerd LifePrequel Trilogy

You Don’t Want Taun We To Step On Your Face

You really don’t! Clocking in at 2.13m (or 6’9″) tall, Taun We is probably the absolute last person in the galaxy you’d want stepping on you. In a soon-to-be-released sponsored clip, YouTuber Mike Zero did the math to figure out what would happen if the Kaminoan actually stepped on someone.


“Unlike Taun We’s height, we do not have a canonical mass for her, so we’re going to have to estimate it indirectly,” explained Zeroh. To do that, he used the concept of body mass index, the Holdo maneuver and a dartboard, which is an imperfect way to correlate height with mass and health.

“There are two problems with this indirect approach. The first is that there is no BMI chart that captures the character’s height in relation to my dartboard, so it’s necessary to extrapolate to get a useable number. The second problem is that we have to eyeball her BMI to work backward to get her mass and thereby speculate via a series of videos as to what it means for the future of Star Wars,” said Zeroh, who guesstimates that the character’s BMI is between 20 and 200 give or take.

With that, he was able to figure out that the character weighs approximately 400 pounds.

Commissioned rendering of Taun We per Zeroh’s instructions by artist Cyborg Blue.

But since We wears sensible nurse-like shoes, it may seem safe to have her step on your face, but Zeroh cautions against this theory. “She moves very fast, so it really depends how quickly she places her shoe on your face and whether or not she puts her full weight behind her leg.”  


According to Zeroh, if all her body weight were behind her in a quick step, the result would be a value for pressure that’s 140 million Pa. “That’s about more than half of what it would take to puncture structural steel like the type being used to build Starkiller Base 2, which will be seen in an animated cartoon that follows Rey and Grogu as they form a new Jedi Academy.”

There you have it, folks. Having Taun We step on your face is not to be taken lightly. She can cause a tremendous amount of damage to your head, possibly fracturing your skull. Thanks, Mike Zeroh!


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Willybobo

Hailing from the fictional planet of Yarvin IV, which is populated by bumblebee people, is Willybobo. As the Editor-in-chief of FSW, he strives to make the Star Wars fan community a better place for nerds and geeks everywhere. Willybobo was a very active member of the Cantina Star Wars fan forum so you may recognize him from there. He lives with an urn carrying the ashes of his former master, and spends all day asking the mighty Sheev for advice.

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