Disney Investigating Judge Who Claimed Star Wars Sequels Were “Schlocky”
The Mouse House is striking back at Ninth Circuit Court Judge Kenneth K. Lee, who declared The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker to be “mediocre and schlocky.”
Earlier this week, in a case involving ConAgra Foods Inc. and Wesson Oil, Lee wrote, “Simply put, Richardson — the new owner of Wesson Oil — can resume using the ‘100% Natural’ label at any time it wishes, thereby depriving the class of any value theoretically afforded by the injunction. ConAgra thus essentially agreed not to do something over which it lacks the power to do. That is like George Lucas promising no more mediocre and schlocky Star Wars sequels shortly after selling the franchise to Disney. Such a promise would be illusory.”
This statement alone might have earned Lee a lifetime ban from Disney parks, but it’s the footnote included that made him a serious threat to the company. The controversial annotation read, “As evident by Disney’s production of The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker.”
Lee’s ruling effectively made a mockery of Episodes VIII and IX, two of the three films in Disney’s divisive Star Wars sequel trilogy. Somehow, The Force Awakens dodged criticism or Lee simply forgot the rehash of A New Hope.
The conservative judge’s statement became the subject of dozens of blog posts, with Disney’s biggest critics claiming it was now perfectly legal to say The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker were terrible. But the Mouse House has taken immediate action to remedy the public relations disaster.
Today the entertainment conglomerate launched a full-scale investigation of Lee, headed by some of its most experienced gumshoes. Disney CEO Bob Iger has tapped “The Last of the Gentleman Sleuths,” Detective Benoit Blanc, to lead the investigation.
Blanc is rumored to be putting together a team comprised of Inspector Gadget, Dick Tracy, Kim Possible, Darkwing Duck and the Great Mouse Detective to find a motive for Lee’s damaging statements.
“Well, he was appointed by Trump so I certainly suspect foul play. Lee is about as sharp as a pound of wet liver though, so I think we’ll discover he’s nothing more than a sleeper cell Russia troll. Such a long game is commendable, but the jig is going to be up soon,” said Blanc.
We reached out to directors J.J. Abrams and Rian Johnson for comment, but they have yet to return our calls. Perhaps they’re helping Disney’s crack squad of investigators unravel the mystery behind the Ninth Circuit Court Judge’s statements.
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